How to Avoid Being Abused
References
In this article: Identify violent people Identify violence Get help for abuse Related articles References
Abuse can take many forms and can even be subtle at times. If you're worried about being abused because of past abuse or threats, there are some steps you can take. You can try to avoid spending time with violent people. You can also learn to recognize the signs of abuse so you know when to seek help. If you really need help, knowing who to turn to and what to do can also prevent further violence in the future.
Part
1
Be vigilant of those who have attacked you in the past. These are more likely to start over. For this reason, you should avoid contact with such individuals [1] .
If it is not possible to cut off all contact with these people, avoid finding yourself alone with them. Ask a friend or relative to accompany you whenever you need to spend time with your abuser.
Stay away from anyone who has threatened you with violence. Threats of violence are likely to lead to actual violence at some point, so you should also avoid contact with anyone who has threatened you.
2
Watch out for violent behavior. People who exhibit violent behavior are also more likely to become abusers. You might feel compelled to put on gloves when you're with such a person to avoid angering them [2] . Avoid having contact with people who express their anger in a violent and forceful way. Here are some examples of this type of behavior [3] :
throw objects
break items
punching walls or kicking furniture
grabbing you by the arm or restraining you physically or by other means
3
Watch out for jealousy and bossy behavior. People who seem to want to control everything and everyone are also likely to be aggressive. If your partner is often jealous for no reason and wants all the details about where you've been or are going, he may become violent at some point. The following are examples of jealousy or controlling behavior [4] :
keep an eye on you
bombard you with questions when you come home late
calling you a liar
tell you how you should dress or behave
pressure you to make immediate commitments
4
See if the person is trying to isolate you. Violent people often use isolation as a way to control others. It can be subtle at first, like asking you not to spend too much time with certain people. However, a violent person may start by forbidding you from seeing certain people very early on, even if they are your close friends or family.
An abuser may call certain friends or family members troublemakers or snoopers . In a heterosexual relationship with a male abuser, he may also call you a prostitute for spending time with male friends or a lesbian for spending time with female friends [5] .
5
Listen to how the person justifies violent behavior. Violent people tend to make excuses for their behavior and often blame others, especially those they attack. Consider what the person says after performing an aggressive act [6] .
Does the person tend to blame you or others for their violent behavior? If so, then do your best to distance yourself from this individual. He is likely to continue to blame you for his violent behavior.
Some violent people may accuse their victim of being too sensitive . If someone often makes you feel bad about yourself, but then rejects your feelings, then that person may be attacking you [7] .
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6
See how the person treats animals and children. Bossy people can be cruel to animals and children. Watch how he behaves around children and animals to get an idea of how he might treat you .
For example, has the individual ever kicked the dog out of frustration? Did he ever say something mean to a child because he was in a bad mood? These behaviors indicate that the person may become violent towards you in the future.
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7
Think about the person's sexual behavior. Some violent people engage in aggressive acts during consensual sex. For example, the person might try to hold you back during sex, hit you, or persist in doing something even though you have expressed your dislike for it. Watch out for these types of signs [9] .
Don't stay with someone who makes sex painful and uncomfortable for you.
Part
2
Identify violence
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1
Watch for signs of physical abuse. The latter can take many forms and some of them may not be immediately noticeable. You are a victim of physical violence if you have [10] [11] :
unexplained bruises, cuts, contusions, and other types of injuries
bodily injuries that look like a handprint or other object, such as a belt,
inappropriate clothing to cover injuries, such as a sweater in hot weather,
constant fear or feeling like you have to be on high alert all the time
flinch when touched,
frequent absences from classes or work due to injuries.
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2
Recognize the signs of emotional abuse. This can manifest itself in several different ways. Pay attention to how you are treated. You could be a victim of emotional abuse if [12] [13] :
you feel anxious or fearful about doing something wrong because you are afraid of how someone will react when they are disappointed,
you feel like you want to retire because someone put you down,
you behave in extreme ways, such as being very demanding or passive,
you are not attached to your parents or family (in children),
you feel like you need to act more mature than you should, such as taking care of your siblings or not sucking your thumb (in children).
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3
Look for signs of sexual abuse. The latter has some distinguishing features that you can look for. This form of violence is more common among children. You may be a victim of sexual violence if [14] :
you were asked or forced to engage in a sexual practice that you were not comfortable with or did not want to do,
you avoid a particular person because of the way they interact with you,
you find it difficult to sit or walk for fear of violence,
you know about sexual practices that you should not know about,
you don't want to undress in front of others,
you contract an STI or an early pregnancy,
you plan to run away from home.
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4
See if you are in an abusive relationship. Sometimes it can be difficult to recognize abuse in a relationship. However, there are clear signs that you are in an abusive relationship. You may be in such a relationship if you [15] :
feel like you agree with everything your partner says,
should always consult your partner,
hold on to your partner,
are worried about making your partner jealous or irritating them,
often receive threatening phone calls from your partner.
Part
3
Get help for abuse
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1
Seek help. If you are in an abusive relationship, the first thing you need to do is seek help for yourself. Talk to someone you can trust, such as a close friend, teacher, or counselor. Tell the person what you've been going through for a while and ask them for help to get out of this situation.
If you tell a teacher or counselor, they will be obligated to report the abuse and you may need to live somewhere else for a while. Remember this is for your protection and not a way to punish yourself.
If you suspect someone else is being abused, then you can make an anonymous report to help them. [16] .
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2
Make a plan to get away from your attacker . Continuing to live with your abuser constantly puts your life at risk for further abuse, so it's not a good idea to stay in the same house. If you're in a situation that requires you to live with your abuser, then the best thing to do is to come up with a plan to get away.
Talk to a loved one or friend you trust to help you put together an escape plan. You might also seek help from the authorities if you are concerned that your abuser is trying to come after you.
See what things you need to bring and try to get them ready when you're ready to leave. Making a bag might be too obvious, but you can keep the things you want to bring in the same drawer or in a corner of your closet.
Call the service of the Ministry of Families which deals with this type of problem at 3919 in order to obtain help in drawing up an escape plan [17] .
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3
Leave when your attacker is not home. Leaving an abuser can be the most dangerous time in an abusive relationship, so it's best to leave when he's not home .
For example, you might consider leaving while your abuser is at work or out with friends.
If you can't leave when your abuser isn't home, you could ask some friends or relatives to be present when you leave.
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4
Go to therapy. It can take you years to recover from abuse and you will need to be seen by a mental health specialist such as a psychologist. Be sure to seek professional help during your recovery from an abusive relationship.
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