how to avoid getting mad at someone when you're really mad
References
In this article: Avoid anger and resentment Communicate with confidence venting his anger Related articles References
Anger is a completely normal emotion in human beings. It can even be useful, for example when you want to assert yourself or protect yourself [1] . However, this emotion has many negative aspects and can affect your relationships. Staying calm and avoiding getting angry with anyone, even if you think your anger is justified, can improve your relationship.
Part
1
Avoid anger and resentment
1
Discover the real source of your discontent. If you tend to be angry and in a bad mood, you may end up unnecessarily resenting someone. Venting your anger at someone is not a healthy way to deal with your emotions or relationships. To avoid making this mistake, try doing the following.
Ask yourself this question: what really bothers me [2] ? Then ask yourself the following question: what is the worst thing about this situation [3] ?
Think about why you feel the need to vent your anger like this (for example, if you think you can't handle a difficult work situation, you might take your anger out on someone at home).
Write down all the things that stress you out or make you react badly.
Try to deal with each stressor or annoyance separately, rather than lumping them together [4] .
Apologize to someone if you were harsh on them when they had nothing to be ashamed of.
Try saying something like this, I really regret getting mad at you for dinner. I'm a little overworked and can't handle the stress, but that's not your fault. How can I catch up?
2
Let go of your resentments. Nurturing old grudges is a common reason for feeling angry with someone. Resentments are not a healthy feeling, so moving forward requires getting rid of them. Try the following to overcome these feelings.
Recognize the fact that your resentments are of no use.
Understand that this feeling cannot change the past.
Accept that you can't control other people's actions or feelings.
If you can, forgive people or if you don't feel able, try to forget what happened.
3
Try to find out if you have any unspoken expectations. You may be angry with someone for not acting as you expected. However, he may not have a clue! If you think someone is not meeting your expectations, try to tell them and understand if your expectations are reasonable [5] .
For example, you may be angry at a co-worker who never participates in the coffee dues, but drinks coffee every day. Maybe he doesn't realize he should pay his dues or maybe he has a sick son and a lot of medical bills to pay. By expressing your expectations during a conversation instead of getting angry, you can also strengthen your relationship.
4
Put yourself in the other person's shoes. Trying to really understand people's point of view is another effective way to avoid getting angry. By getting to know someone better and thinking about why they might act in a certain way, you can empathize with them. Usually, compassion can help overcome anger and discontent.
5
Practice gratitude. Try to imagine your life without the person you're trying not to be angry with, especially if it's a loved one. Think about all the things she brings to your life and thank her for everything she does. To learn how to express gratitude, try keeping a gratitude journal. [6] .
6
Think before you speak. Hunger, anger, loneliness and fatigue are factors that can influence your state of mind. When you're angry, try pausing to determine if you're feeling any of these things before verbally attacking another person. This approach to anger management is very often used in recovery programs.
For example, if you're mad at your partner for being home late, think about yourself before expressing your anger. Try to find out if you are hungry, angry, lonely or tired, and see if these factors influence your emotions. Eat something and relax on the couch for a few minutes, then ask her why she came home late.
Part
2
Communicate with confidence
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1
Distinguish between different modes of communication. There are three main ways to express emotions (anger in particular), including passive, aggressive, and assertive communication. By learning to use assertive communication, you will be able to communicate with others in a healthier way [7] .
When a person takes the passive approach, they gradually become angry about something without addressing the issue or coping with the situation. Often this approach can lead to covert revenge or other negative behaviors (called passive aggressive behavior) [8] .
If you take the aggressive approach, you can get so angry that you have a tantrum that, from an external perspective, may look like an overreaction to the situation. Outbursts of aggression can also be associated with violence.
Assertive communication is a healthy and respectful way to confront people and deal with situations that upset you.
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2
Focus on the needs of both parties. Communicating with confidence requires recognizing the importance of your own needs and those of others. It's a way to stop drawing attention to yourself and to show the other that you are sensitive to their needs [9] .
For example, if you're about to get mad at your spouse for not bringing home dinner, start the conversation by saying: I know you have a lot of recognizing their needs). Then continue: I too have a lot to do and when you forget to buy something to eat in the evening, it ruins all my plans.
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3
Communicate respectfully. Saying please or thank you during a conversation is a way of showing respect for the other person. Treat your interviewer with respect and acknowledge that they also have a point of view [10] .
For example, instead of getting mad at your partner right away for not having dinner when they got home from work, you could ask them something like this, do you have another plan? Maybe he has another idea. Even if it's an oversight, asking her out of curiosity if she has another plan is better than telling her as soon as she walks through the door where the dinner you should bring is!
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4
Formulate your requests clearly and precisely. Don't forget to consider the actions that your interviewer must take as an invitation and not an obligation. This will help you better formulate your requests. You need to be specific and try to stick to the facts [11] .
For example, you might say, I know you just got home, but would you mind going to pay for dinner so we can all eat together at home?
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5
Express your feelings. While you should stick to the facts, you should also explain how you feel when you can't help but be angry. Use expressions such as I am or this makes me feel to prevent the other person from becoming defensive [12] .
For example, you could say, I'm very disappointed that you didn't buy dinner. I am now forced to find another solution on my own. I feel pressured to do everything perfectly all the time and it stresses me out.
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6
Find a solution to the problem. Ideally, you should work with the person you are expressing your feelings to so that you can find a solution to the problem that is making you nervous. Unfortunately, you cannot control other people's behavior and sometimes you will have to find a solution yourself. [13] .
For example, you can ask your partner what she proposes to solve the problem. You can suggest going to a restaurant. She might voluntarily agree to go out again to buy something to eat or take care of the children or clean the house while you go get something to eat. Or she could cook. There are many solutions to this problem, but the important thing is to find one that suits everyone.
Part
3
venting his anger
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1
Take a break. If you feel like you're holding a grudge against someone, give yourself a little break to calm down and reorganize your thoughts. By regaining control of your emotions before talking to someone you are going to get angry with, you are more likely to avoid conflict [14] .
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2
Breathe deeply. Breathing deeply can help you regain your composure and prevent you from getting angry. In order to relax as much as possible with this breathing technique, you must breathe deeply through your abdomen. Place one hand on the diaphragm (between belly and chest) and inhale deeply so that your hand moves as your belly begins to expand. Then exhale slowly [15] .
Focus on your breathing, while inhaling and exhaling 8 or 10 times or until you feel like you have regained control of your emotions.
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3
Redirect your anger into something productive. Venting your anger at someone else is inappropriate, but it can be helpful to redirect your feelings to an activity, such as cleaning the house, playing sports, or tackling any task on your to-do list. do that dates back a long time. You can get rid of negative energies by doing something productive!
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4
Take care of you. You'll feel better if you take the time to do something good for yourself. [16] , if you get enough sleep [17] , exercise [18] and maintain a healthy diet. Often, if you feel better, it means you can better control your emotions, which will help you communicate more effectively (and kindly) with others. Also, if you don't take care of yourself, you may start to resent people who, from your point of view, prevent you from enjoying your moments of pleasure.
To feel good both physically and emotionally, you should get 7-8 hours of sleep per night [19] .
Aim to get 20 to 30 minutes of physical activity every day. If you can't exercise every day, try to exercise at least 3-4 times a week.
Include whole grains, fruits, vegetables, and protein in your diet [20] . Even healthy fats can give you a feeling of fullness that lasts longer. Also, do not eat very fatty foods or foods that have undergone too much processing. They are often low in nutrients and not satiating [21] .
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5
Listen to relaxing music. Relaxing while listening to your favorite songs can calm you down and put you in a good mood. Listening to music has been shown to make us feel certain emotions, and bring back memories. It can help calm you down when you're angry or agitated, even if you don't know the source of the emotional turmoil [22] . Classical music and jazz are particularly effective at quieting the mind, but you should find the musical genre that works for you.
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6
Think positively. You can calm your anger by trying to focus more sharply on your positive thoughts. Close your eyes, push out all the negative thoughts that go through your head and think of at least three positive things [23] .
Positive thoughts can be positive aspects of a situation that worries you or simply thoughts about something that you are looking forward to or that makes you happy.
Here are some formulas for positive thoughts:
it will pass,
I'm strong enough to handle this,
difficult situations give me the opportunity to flourish,
I won't be angry forever. This anger that animates me is just temporary.
Warnings
If you feel like your anger is spiraling out of control and affecting your relationships, you should see a psychologist or join a support group to learn how to manage it.
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