How to make connections

How to make connections

 

References

In this article:

Master the basics

Make connections on the internet

Explore why you are looking to expand your network

Related articles

References

You've probably heard that the people you know are more important than what you know . In today's interconnected society, this is more true than ever. Your talents, abilities, and experiences won't get you anywhere if no one knows you exist. To get what you want in life, you have to know how to play with your relationships.

Part1

Master the basics

1.           

 

 

1

Start making connections among people you already know. Reconnecting with old friends, distant relatives and old classmates can be a good start: you'll expand your network without approaching total strangers  [1] . Work on getting closer to these people first before trying to get closer to people with whom you have more tenuous ties.

2.           

 

 

2

Determine the people you want to get closer to. As a professional or aspiring professional, your time is important. Be selective: you owe it to yourself.Approach people confidently, reach out and introduce yourself. It's not easy to do, but it's a straightforward approach, and the more you do it, the easier it will get.

•             Have confidence in yourself in order to inspire confidence. Many people who know how to seduce their interlocutors are not naturally the most confident people in the world. They simply learned to return insurance. This projection thenbecomes reality. Pretend to be confident until you actually have confidence in yourself.

•             Some call this technique the host mentality  [2] . You will have to put others first and try to put them at ease. This uncommon effort will empower you and also end up putting you at ease yourself.

3.           

 

 

3

Prepare your elevator pitch . An elevator pitch is an “elevator pitch” summarizing your professional self that can be delivered quickly, in the time that two people would share on an elevator ride. It's not about learning a text by heart, but about having some ideas from which to elaborate, depending on the situation. Here is an example.

•             “I just finished my studies in marine biology at university. I studied the interaction of tidal trends on the puffin population. Currently, I lead a conservation project designed to save the puffins of Eastern Egg Rock, USA. »

4.           

 

 

4

Learn to master the art of small talk . A good conversation usually starts with talking about everything and nothing. This is an opportunity to get an idea of who your interlocutor is and for them to get an idea of you. Some people describe this kind of conversation as follows: "conversation is a ladder and small talk is the first rung you climb  [3] . Don't worry if these kinds of exchanges seem unnatural to you at first. Smile, be confident in your abilities and listen actively.

•             Look for an anchor point  [4] . It will be something in common that you have with the other person. You may have gone to the same school, have a mutual friend or share an experience, such as a passion for sky-diving. Finding such a commonality will require you to ask questions, but once you find one, you'll have gold in your hands.

•             Reveal something about yourself related to this anchor. Asking questions is a good strategy, especially if you're looking for an answer, but a conversation will have to be a two-way street and you'll have to give of yourself to get something in return.

•             Encourage your interlocutor to open up. After you've exchanged a few pleasantries, continue asking questions about the anchor or sharing different experiences you've had with it.

5.           

 

 

5

Don't be afraid to go deeper! If your conversation stays on the lower half of the scale, you may not stand out from the dozens of people your interviewer will meet during the event you're attending or even the year. To distinguish yourself from others, you will have to dive deeper than these small talk and say something that will make your interlocutor think, so that they remember you.

•             A well-known blogger recommends researching a passion or a problem  [5] .Obviously, finding a common passion is probably safer, but don't be afraid to empathize if your contact is talking about a problem they're having at work or in their personal life.

6.           

 

 

6

Stand out by thinking before you speak. In a normal conversation, it is common to spout whatever comes to mind, for fear of a blank. But by worrying constantly about the conversation flowing, you will often forget to listen to what your interlocutor is saying to you and formulate an intelligent response.

•             Don't be afraid to take a second or two to think about what you're going to say before you speak. These few seconds seem much longer to you than they seem to your interlocutor. If you finally say something intelligent, this little pause will have been worth it.

•             Journalist Shane Snow describes the respect he has for a friend who thinksbefore he speaks: "While most of us (especially powerful people) feel the pressure to respond instantly to questions pose (the methods of professional and media interviews teach us this) and then tend to stammer and ramble, Fred takes his time. When you ask him a question, he pauses, sometimes for a long time.Sometimes his silence makes you uncomfortable. He thinks carefully. Then his answer is three times more interesting than you expected  [6] . »

7.           

 

 

7

Approach networking thinking “how can I help this person?  Some see networking as a selfish act because they think of the process as a means to something, not an end in itself. While that's certainly how a lot of people go about making connections, it's not a very comprehensive way to think about networking. Try to approach such situations by first asking yourself how you can help the person. If you try to help others selflessly, they will want to do the same for you, and the motivation for mutual assistance will then be honest and full of goodwill.

8.           

 

 

8

Find out who knows who. When you talk to people, find out what they do for a living and what their hobbies are, as well as what their spouses, relatives and friends do professionally and as hobbies. You could take notes in your address book so as not to lose track of each other's occupations.

•             Let's say you meet Mary at a book club and learn that her cousin is an expert windsurfer. A few months later, your niece tells you that one of her life's goals is to learn to windsurf. Find Marie's number, call her and ask her if her cousin would agree to give your niece a free windsurfing lesson for her birthday. Marie tells you Of course! and convinces his cousin to give you a discount. Your niece is over the moon. A month later, your car breaks down and you remember that your niece's boyfriend is an apprentice mechanic...

•             Meet outgoing people. As you work on making connections, you'll find that some people are much better at it than you are—they already know everyone! You're bound to benefit from getting to know these people, as they might introduce you to people who share your interests or goals. In other words, if you're introverted, find a more outgoing person who will share their relationships with you.

9.           

 

 

9

If all goes well, ask your interviewer for their business card and assure them that you would like to continue the conversation. Once you've had a pleasant chat, exchanged views, or sympathized with an awful boss, don't be afraid to say you enjoyed the conversation. Say something like "I'm glad I talked to you, you seem like an interesting and respected person. Could we continue this conversation soon? »

10.         

 

 

10

Follow up. Don't just take someone's email address or business card and forget about it. Find a way to keep in touch. Maintain your network. Your network is like a tree: if it is not nourished, it will die. Be sure to take care of it so that it lives.

•             When you find an article that someone in your network might be interested in, send it to them. If you hear about a negative event (tornado, riots, power outage) that happened near his place of residence, call him to make sure he's okay.

•             Track everyone's birthdays and write them down on a calendar. Be sure to send a birthday card to everyone you meet and a note to let them know you haven't forgotten them and you don't want them to forget you.

Part2

Make connections on the internet

1.           

 

 

1

Have online activities that matter to you. Who says you can't make connections playing chess against a tough opponent in Russia? Or make connections when you surf your favorite medical site to learn more about your husband's autoimmune disease? The Internet makes it easy for you to connect with groups of people who share your concerns. Take a look at forums, listings and mailing lists for local events and meetings that are likely to attract people who share your passions and interests.

2.           

 

 

2

Look for people you admire who have interesting jobs. Thanks to the Internet, it is also much easier to get in touch with important (and less important) people. Now you can search people on Google and connect with them through one of the social networks people spend so much time on. Research these people for two reasons.

•             It is useful to learn about different career paths and career opportunities.Researching other people's careers will teach you that there is an almost infinite number of ways to enter, for example, the world of advertising or becoming a broker.

•             You will become familiar with their personal stories. This information will be useful when you approach these people: you will show that you are serious and well informed.

3.           

 

 

3

Ask several people to meet you for an informal interview. An informal interview is a meeting between you and another professional during which you will ask them questions about their career and get inspired by their ideas. It could be coffee after work or a Skype conversation between two meetings. Whichever way you choose, these kinds of conversations are usually short (30 minutes or less) and you should offer to pay the bill if you have lunch or coffee.

•             Informal interviews are good ways to learn more about your interlocutor and to develop your critical thinking and your listening skills. You never know: you might impress the person so much that they will decide to offer you a job, if their position allows it. Some believe that this technique is more profitable than simply distributing your CV.

•             Once you've finished your informal interview, express your gratitude and ask your interviewer for the contact details of three other people you might meet.Make contact with these people and come back to the original contact if necessary.

4.           

 

 

4

Use your network regularly. The next time you need something (a job, a date, a hiking partner), cast your net and see what you catch. Make a few phone calls or send a few e-mails to explain your situation in a friendly tone: “Hi! I have these three tickets for a concert on Saturday and I have no one to go with. Since it's a band that I love, I would like to attend it with someone that I will have a good time with. Do you know anyone that would be interested? »

•             Never apologize when asking for help or a favor. You will then signal a lack of self-confidence and professionalism  [7] . You don't have to apologize: you just want to know if someone would be in a position to help you, you don't demand anything or force anyone to do anything.

5.           

 

 

5

Never limit your networking efforts to the Internet. You will be able to make some very interesting connections on the Internet, but the most successful people are those who know how to turn their Internet connections into human relationships.Remember that you can also invite people to do things related to your interests. If you meet someone on an Internet forum dedicated to caving, why not suggest that they go on an excursion with you? The goal here is to establish a connection beyond the initially virtual link. Prefer to do this kind of meeting face to face.

Part3

Explore why you are looking to expand your network

1.           

 

 

1

Break down networking stereotypes. If you're reading this article, you probably know the benefits of a good network. But maybe you still avoid developing yours, for one reason or another, and prefer the easy way. Forget that. Stop trying to justify your fears. Instead, try to believe in yourself and realize that you have very good reasons for networking.

2.           

 

 

2

Reconsider the idea that seeking relationships is insincere, pretentious or manipulative. This could sometimes be true. Networking can be a superficial way to enjoy a relationship in a selfish and selfish way. But there are also people who want to build honest and mutually beneficial relationships. There are people willing to do their best to help others. There are people who are community-minded and like the idea of helping others and developing a network.

•             When you're working on building your network, you'll have to go through people you don't want to know to get to people you do want to know. It's an essential aspect of networking, but over time you'll get better at spotting the people you want to get closer to right away.

EXPERT ADVICE

 

SHANNON O'BRIEN, MA, EDM

Personal and Career Advisor

Our Expert Agrees: “People tend to have bad ideas about networking. You don't disturb others, you make connections for yourself and for others. It's about trying to find a job and the person offering a position that you're perfectly suited for. »

3.           

 

 

3

Don't consider yourself too shy or too insecure to make connections.Expanding your network requires a certain degree of audacity. But with the advancement of social media, you can easily find people who share your interests and goals without having to be in a room full of people.

•             Shy and insecure people tend to be much more open and talkative when talking about a topic they are passionate about. If you meet someone who is just as interested in birding, origami, or manga as you are, then it will be much easier for you to establish a connection with them.

4.           

 

 

4

Forget the myth that building relationships takes too much time and effort. Unless you're an outgoing person who actually likes to seduce people, networking can be exhausting. And why bother? Maintaining a network takes time and effort, but the time and effort that networking could save you is also phenomenal. Imagine the time and frustration you'd save yourself if what you needed or wanted was just a phone call or two away. A network is an investment, the benefits of which outweigh the costs  [8] . You just have to put in some effort and watch it expand.

5.           

 

 

5

Continue your networking efforts. If you want to grow as an individual, both personally and professionally, working on making connections will help you hone people skills that will stand you in good stead in today's world. You will learn to stay on the lookout, to listen and to inspire a humility born of the desire to help others. If you had to have only one reason to network, let it be for your personal development. Networking will help you become the best version of yourself.

Advice

•             It will always help to appear approachable and charming. Over time, it will become easier and easier for you to strike up a conversation with a stranger.

•             You could connect with politicians and their aides by volunteering for an election or getting involved in the party outside of election times.

•             Use all the Internet tools at your disposal to build your social network in real life. For example, chat applications are sometimes preferable to phone calls. The Internet is very useful for meeting and keeping in touch with many people around the world.

•             Start small. Don't commit to attending 12 meetings in a month. Sustained, long-term effort is better than heavy, occasional effort. Remember that a network requires maintenance, so do not think bigger than your stomach.

•             Can't find a club or group related to your interests or career? Create one!

Warnings

•             Beware of parasites, those people who will approach you to ask you for a favor and never try to help you in return. When you think you're dealing with these kinds of people (and if you're generous, it's bound to happen!), refuse their requests as politely as possible: "No, I'm sorry, I can't do that tomorrow. I have things to do. If these people are trying to make you feel guilty, find an excuse to get out of the conversation and make yourself unavailable to them. Don't lose your temper or be disagreeable because then they'll have something negative to say about you when they tell other people about you, like "oh yeah, I know John, he called a leech..." Don't let that happen!

How to make connections

 

Download the article

Co-authored by Shannon O'Brien, MA, EdM

References

In this article: Master the basics  Make connections on the internet Explore why you are looking to expand your network  Related articles  References

You've probably heard that the people you know are more important than what you know . In today's interconnected society, this is more true than ever. Your talents, abilities, and experiences won't get you anywhere if no one knows you exist. To get what you want in life, you have to know how to play with your relationships.

 

 

 

Part

1

Master the basics

 Image titled Network Step 1

1

Start making connections among people you already know. Reconnecting with old friends, distant relatives and old classmates can be a good start: you'll expand your network without approaching total strangers  [1] . Work on getting closer to these people first before trying to get closer to people with whom you have more tenuous ties.

 

 

 Image titled Network Step 2

2

Determine the people you want to get closer to. As a professional or aspiring professional, your time is important. Be selective: you owe it to yourself. Approach people confidently, reach out and introduce yourself. It's not easy to do, but it's a straightforward approach, and the more you do it, the easier it will get.

Have confidence in yourself in order to inspire confidence. Many people who know how to seduce their interlocutors are not naturally the most confident people in the world. They simply learned to return insurance. This projection then becomes reality. Pretend to be confident until you actually have confidence in yourself.

Some call this technique the host mentality  [2] . You will have to put others first and try to put them at ease. This uncommon effort will empower you and also end up putting you at ease yourself.

 Image intitulée Network Step 3

3

Prepare your elevator pitch . An elevator pitch is an “elevator pitch” summarizing your professional self that can be delivered quickly, in the time that two people would share on an elevator ride. It's not about learning a text by heart, but about having some ideas from which to elaborate, depending on the situation. Here is an example.

“I just finished my studies in marine biology at university. I studied the interaction of tidal trends on the puffin population. Currently, I lead a conservation project designed to save the puffins of Eastern Egg Rock, USA. »

 Image intitulée Network Step 4

4

Learn to master the art of small talk . A good conversation usually starts with talking about everything and nothing. This is an opportunity to get an idea of who your interlocutor is and for them to get an idea of you. Some people describe this kind of conversation as follows: "conversation is a ladder and small talk is the first rung you climb  [3] . Don't worry if these kinds of exchanges seem unnatural to you at first. Smile, be confident in your abilities and listen actively.

Look for an anchor point  [4] . It will be something in common that you have with the other person. You may have gone to the same school, have a mutual friend or share an experience, such as a passion for sky-diving. Finding such a commonality will require you to ask questions, but once you find one, you'll have gold in your hands.

Reveal something about yourself related to this anchor. Asking questions is a good strategy, especially if you're looking for an answer, but a conversation will have to be a two-way street and you'll have to give of yourself to get something in return.

Encourage your interlocutor to open up. After you've exchanged a few pleasantries, continue asking questions about the anchor or sharing different experiences you've had with it.

 Image intitulée Network Step 5

5

Don't be afraid to go deeper! If your conversation stays on the lower half of the scale, you may not stand out from the dozens of people your interviewer will meet during the event you're attending or even the year. To distinguish yourself from others, you will have to dive deeper than these small talk and say something that will make your interlocutor think, so that they remember you.

A well-known blogger recommends researching a passion or a problem  [5] . Obviously, finding a common passion is probably safer, but don't be afraid to empathize if your contact is talking about a problem they're having at work or in their personal life.

 Image intitulée Network Step 6

6

Stand out by thinking before you speak. In a normal conversation, it is common to spout whatever comes to mind, for fear of a blank. But by worrying constantly about the conversation flowing, you will often forget to listen to what your interlocutor is saying to you and formulate an intelligent response.

Don't be afraid to take a second or two to think about what you're going to say before you speak. These few seconds seem much longer to you than they seem to your interlocutor. If you finally say something intelligent, this little pause will have been worth it.

Journalist Shane Snow describes the respect he has for a friend who thinks before he speaks: "While most of us (especially powerful people) feel the pressure to respond instantly to questions pose (the methods of professional and media interviews teach us this) and then tend to stammer and ramble, Fred takes his time. When you ask him a question, he pauses, sometimes for a long time. Sometimes his silence makes you uncomfortable. He thinks carefully. Then his answer is three times more interesting than you expected  [6] . »

 Image intitulée Network Step 7

7

Approach networking thinking “how can I help this person?  Some see networking as a selfish act because they think of the process as a means to something, not an end in itself. While that's certainly how a lot of people go about making connections, it's not a very comprehensive way to think about networking. Try to approach such situations by first asking yourself how you can help the person. If you try to help others selflessly, they will want to do the same for you, and the motivation for mutual assistance will then be honest and full of goodwill.

 Image intitulée Network Step 8

8

Find out who knows who. When you talk to people, find out what they do for a living and what their hobbies are, as well as what their spouses, relatives and friends do professionally and as hobbies. You could take notes in your address book so as not to lose track of each other's occupations.

Let's say you meet Mary at a book club and learn that her cousin is an expert windsurfer. A few months later, your niece tells you that one of her life's goals is to learn to windsurf. Find Marie's number, call her and ask her if her cousin would agree to give your niece a free windsurfing lesson for her birthday. Marie tells you Of course! and convinces his cousin to give you a discount. Your niece is over the moon. A month later, your car breaks down and you remember that your niece's boyfriend is an apprentice mechanic...

Meet outgoing people. As you work on making connections, you'll find that some people are much better at it than you are—they already know everyone! You're bound to benefit from getting to know these people, as they might introduce you to people who share your interests or goals. In other words, if you're introverted, find a more outgoing person who will share their relationships with you.

 Image intitulée Network Step 9

9

If all goes well, ask your interviewer for their business card and assure them that you would like to continue the conversation. Once you've had a pleasant chat, exchanged views, or sympathized with an awful boss, don't be afraid to say you enjoyed the conversation. Say something like "I'm glad I talked to you, you seem like an interesting and respected person. Could we continue this conversation soon? »

 Image intitulée Network Step 10

10

Follow up. Don't just take someone's email address or business card and forget about it. Find a way to keep in touch. Maintain your network. Your network is like a tree: if it is not nourished, it will die. Be sure to take care of it so that it lives.

When you find an article that someone in your network might be interested in, send it to them. If you hear about a negative event (tornado, riots, power outage) that happened near his place of residence, call him to make sure he's okay.

Track everyone's birthdays and write them down on a calendar. Be sure to send a birthday card to everyone you meet and a note to let them know you haven't forgotten them and you don't want them to forget you.

Part

2

Make connections on the internet

 Image intitulée Network Step 11

1

Have online activities that matter to you. Who says you can't make connections playing chess against a tough opponent in Russia? Or make connections when you surf your favorite medical site to learn more about your husband's autoimmune disease? The Internet makes it easy for you to connect with groups of people who share your concerns. Take a look at forums, listings and mailing lists for local events and meetings that are likely to attract people who share your passions and interests.

 Image intitulée Network Step 12

2

Look for people you admire who have interesting jobs. Thanks to the Internet, it is also much easier to get in touch with important (and less important) people. Now you can search people on Google and connect with them through one of the social networks people spend so much time on. Research these people for two reasons.

It is useful to learn about different career paths and career opportunities. Researching other people's careers will teach you that there is an almost infinite number of ways to enter, for example, the world of advertising or becoming a broker.

You will become familiar with their personal stories. This information will be useful when you approach these people: you will show that you are serious and well informed.

 Image intitulée Network Step 13

3

Ask several people to meet you for an informal interview. An informal interview is a meeting between you and another professional during which you will ask them questions about their career and get inspired by their ideas. It could be coffee after work or a Skype conversation between two meetings. Whichever way you choose, these kinds of conversations are usually short (30 minutes or less) and you should offer to pay the bill if you have lunch or coffee.

Informal interviews are good ways to learn more about your interlocutor and to develop your critical thinking and your listening skills. You never know: you might impress the person so much that they will decide to offer you a job, if their position allows it. Some believe that this technique is more profitable than simply distributing your CV.

Once you've finished your informal interview, express your gratitude and ask your interviewer for the contact details of three other people you might meet. Make contact with these people and come back to the original contact if necessary.

 Image intitulée Network Step 14

4

Use your network regularly. The next time you need something (a job, a date, a hiking partner), cast your net and see what you catch. Make a few phone calls or send a few e-mails to explain your situation in a friendly tone: “Hi! I have these three tickets for a concert on Saturday and I have no one to go with. Since it's a band that I love, I would like to attend it with someone that I will have a good time with. Do you know anyone that would be interested? »

Never apologize when asking for help or a favor. You will then signal a lack of self-confidence and professionalism  [7] . You don't have to apologize: you just want to know if someone would be in a position to help you, you don't demand anything or force anyone to do anything.

 Image intitulée Network Step 15

5

Never limit your networking efforts to the Internet. You will be able to make some very interesting connections on the Internet, but the most successful people are those who know how to turn their Internet connections into human relationships. Remember that you can also invite people to do things related to your interests. If you meet someone on an Internet forum dedicated to caving, why not suggest that they go on an excursion with you? The goal here is to establish a connection beyond the initially virtual link. Prefer to do this kind of meeting face to face.

Part

3

Explore why you are looking to expand your network

 Image intitulée Network Step 16

1

Break down networking stereotypes. If you're reading this article, you probably know the benefits of a good network. But maybe you still avoid developing yours, for one reason or another, and prefer the easy way. Forget that. Stop trying to justify your fears. Instead, try to believe in yourself and realize that you have very good reasons for networking.

 Image intitulée Network Step 17

2

Reconsider the idea that seeking relationships is insincere, pretentious or manipulative. This could sometimes be true. Networking can be a superficial way to enjoy a relationship in a selfish and selfish way. But there are also people who want to build honest and mutually beneficial relationships. There are people willing to do their best to help others. There are people who are community-minded and like the idea of helping others and developing a network.

When you're working on building your network, you'll have to go through people you don't want to know to get to people you do want to know. It's an essential aspect of networking, but over time you'll get better at spotting the people you want to get closer to right away.

EXPERT ADVICE

 Shannon O'Brien, MA, EdM SHANNON O'BRIEN, MA, EDM

Personal and Career Advisor

Our Expert Agrees: “People tend to have bad ideas about networking. You don't disturb others, you make connections for yourself and for others. It's about trying to find a job and the person offering a position that you're perfectly suited for. »

 Image intitulée Network Step 18

3

Don't consider yourself too shy or too insecure to make connections. Expanding your network requires a certain degree of audacity. But with the advancement of social media, you can easily find people who share your interests and goals without having to be in a room full of people.

Shy and insecure people tend to be much more open and talkative when talking about a topic they are passionate about. If you meet someone who is just as interested in birding, origami, or manga as you are, then it will be much easier for you to establish a connection with them.

 Image intitulée Network Step 19

4

Forget the myth that building relationships takes too much time and effort. Unless you're an outgoing person who actually likes to seduce people, networking can be exhausting. And why bother? Maintaining a network takes time and effort, but the time and effort that networking could save you is also phenomenal. Imagine the time and frustration you'd save yourself if what you needed or wanted was just a phone call or two away. A network is an investment, the benefits of which outweigh the costs  [8] . You just have to put in some effort and watch it expand.

 Image intitulée Network Step 20

5

Continue your networking efforts. If you want to grow as an individual, both personally and professionally, working on making connections will help you hone people skills that will stand you in good stead in today's world. You will learn to stay on the lookout, to listen and to inspire a humility born of the desire to help others. If you had to have only one reason to network, let it be for your personal development. Networking will help you become the best version of yourself.

Advice

It will always help to appear approachable and charming. Over time, it will become easier and easier for you to strike up a conversation with a stranger.

You could connect with politicians and their aides by volunteering for an election or getting involved in the party outside of election times.

Use all the Internet tools at your disposal to build your social network in real life. For example, chat applications are sometimes preferable to phone calls. The Internet is very useful for meeting and keeping in touch with many people around the world.

Start small. Don't commit to attending 12 meetings in a month. Sustained, long-term effort is better than heavy, occasional effort. Remember that a network requires maintenance, so do not think bigger than your stomach.

Can't find a club or group related to your interests or career? Create one!

 

 

Warnings

Beware of parasites, those people who will approach you to ask you for a favor and never try to help you in return. When you think you're dealing with these kinds of people (and if you're generous, it's bound to happen!), refuse their requests as politely as possible: "No, I'm sorry, I can't do that tomorrow. I have things to do. If these people are trying to make you feel guilty, find an excuse to get out of the conversation and make yourself unavailable to them. Don't lose your temper or be disagreeable because then they'll have something negative to say about you when they tell other people about you, like "oh yeah, I know John, he called a leech..." Don't let that happen!