How to be honest without being harsh

How to be honest without being harsh

 

References

In this article: Make his interactions positive  Be kind to the other person  Work on how you communicate Related articles  References

Learning to be honest without hurting others will allow you to communicate effectively and develop healthier relationships with the people around you. Consider the other person's feelings and choose a friendly, non-threatening approach. Use constructive words, especially if you're giving advice or asking someone to make a change. Validate how the person is feeling, avoid overwhelming them, and avoid being judgmental. As you learn to be less harsh, people will respond more positively to your remarks and feel less attacked by your comments.

 

 

 

Part

1

Make his interactions positive

1

Clearly state your intention. If you say something mean and then follow it up with, "I'm just being honest" or "I'm telling you as a friend," you're probably covering up your meanness with honesty. Consider the intent of your remark and see if you mean something just to be mean  [1] .

This includes mean-spirited comments, such as "I thought you'd never get rid of those jeans!" or "I'm surprised you're eating this, considering your weight." »

As the saying goes, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all!" »

2

Ignore your emotions. You can say almost anything without being harsh, removing yourself emotionally from the situation. It doesn't mean being cold and stoic when you tell someone you don't like them or that their work is terrible. This means that you shouldn't let your emotions drive the interaction, so you don't behave mean, angry, or bad  [2] .

For example, if you have a friend who is constantly late, don't take your anger out on them if they are late again. Instead, say, "I got up early to be ready to come see you and you left me waiting 20 minutes. Please be respectful of my time when we have a date. »

If you need to talk to this person, but know you're not calm, take the time to come to your senses. Give yourself an hour, a day or a few days, depending on your needs. Say, “I'm angry right now, but I'd like to talk about this later, so we can understand each other better. »

3

Find the right time and place to chat. Don't say anything potentially hurtful or embarrassing in front of others. Talking one-on-one with this person will always be the best option. If you must have an honest discussion, look for the right terms. Choose a quiet location away from curious ears. Pick a time when you and that person can talk quietly, when neither of you has to rush to do anything else.

A face-to-face conversation is always best. Thus, both interlocutors can read each other's body language and respond to non-verbal cues.

4

Ask, don't demand. Don't become bossy or demanding in your words. Maybe you don't like something the other person is doing and want them to stop. Instead of demanding that she change or do things differently, make a request. By asking, rather than demanding, you'll show that you care about the other person's feelings and don't demand anything from them.

For example, if someone talks endlessly on a topic that doesn't interest you, gently ask them to talk about something else. Say, “I understand! Let's talk about something else ! or "I understand your opinion and I don't want to discuss it further." »

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5

Seek to help, not hurt. If the truth could free you , it could also hurt your interlocutor. If you think it's time to be honest, make sure that honesty really gets the ball rolling. Sometimes you have to be honest with someone, even if that truth hurts them. Nevertheless, do your best to make the message constructive and not destructive.

Speak kindly and offer to help people. For example, say, “I noticed you missed some deadlines. Is there anything I can do to help you finish these tasks on time  [3]  ? »

Ask yourself, "Will this hurt this person?" or "Could I say that in a nicer, more constructive way?" »

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6

Let him choose whether to bring up the subject or not. Maybe you have strong beliefs and would like others to recognize them as true. You might be entirely right or have higher moral expectations, but you can't get anyone to see things your way. If your interlocutor makes it clear to you that they don't want to discuss the topic, drop the conversation.

For example, you might have strong religious beliefs or moral values. If you're trying to convert someone to your truth, respect their choice not to want to participate in the conversation, even if you're sure you're right.

Many times forced discussions will turn people off more than they will get them to understand your point of view.

Part

2

Be kind to the other person

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1

Be open to the other person. Don't center the conversation around you alone. Listen to what your interlocutor has to say and consider their feelings. If he seems uncomfortable or shocked, choose softer words. Be aware of how this person communicates and how they interpret your words.

Don't just listen to his words. Pay attention to his body language as well. If she avoids your gaze, crosses her arms, or seems like she wants to get out of this conversation as quickly as possible, consider changing your tone.

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2

Validate her feelings. Be aware of how the other person feels (or might feel) as you talk to them. However the person reacts or responds, what they feel is valid. If she's offended or upset, understand that she has every right to react that way, even if you don't like it. Tell her that you understand and are sensitive to her feelings  [4] .

Avoid statements like "You should try this" or "You should do that instead." You would deny the other person's feelings and come across as an expert.

For example, say, "I can see that you're upset with what I'm saying and it's completely understandable. I want to bring something to your attention, but I don't want to hurt your feelings. »

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3

See the positives and not just the negatives. Maybe you tend to be critical in your approach to life. While this can be a useful behavior, it's often less useful when you're around other people. Don't just focus on what you don't like about someone or what they don't do well. Balance your negative thoughts with more positive aspects of his behavior or words. When you talk to him about something you don't like about his behavior, also talk about things you like.  [5] .

For example, to a friend who often lets you down, you might say, "You're a really good friend and I love spending time with you. Still, I get so frustrated when you cancel our plans at the last minute. »

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4

Hold your judgments. Telling the truth does not mean that you are free to express your judgments. Perhaps you are unhappy with the decision that person has made. Avoid telling her why she's wrong and focus on what worries you. Be discerning about what you discuss and how you do it  [6] .

For example, if you have a friend who uses drugs, don't say, "Drugs are really bad, I can't believe you're on them." Instead, tell him, "I've been worried about you since you started doing drugs." I've noticed changes in your behavior and I'm afraid all is not well for you. »

Part

3

Work on how you communicate

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1

Avoid blaming others. For example, you could work with a colleague and be late on a project. Instead of blaming that colleague, find a way to move forward together. Maybe your colleague has really fallen behind, but working together you will find solutions  [7] .

If you catch yourself saying, "Someone had to say it," to express your anger toward that person, you're probably using your honesty to blame others.

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2

Use a friendly tone . When you yell at someone or talk to someone, the tone used is not the same. When talking to someone, adopt a casual or professional tone. Your toughness might show in your tone. Avoid responding too quickly, using harsh words or speaking too loudly.

For example, to avoid sounding aggressive, take a softer voice.

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3

Use humor . If one of your friends has a bad habit that's driving you crazy, don't lose your cool. Instead, prefer to use humor to approach the subject gently. You will be able to say what you have to say and avoid making a big fuss for not much.  [8] . Humor could also help you calm down a tense or difficult situation.

Make a joke or say something funny to get your point across.

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4

If necessary, avoid the question. If someone asks you a question that you don't dare answer honestly, don't answer it. For example, if the person asks you, "Do you like my boyfriend?" or "What do you think of these pants?" you might want to answer honestly, but your answer might be hurtful. Be rather vague or provide an answer concerning the subject. This will allow you to be honest, while remaining friendly and harmless.

For example, if someone asks you if you liked their dish, which was very bad, say "It's a very unique flavor, I've never eaten anything like it!" or "My favorite was the potatoes." »