How to deal with negative people
References
In this article: Dealing with negative people in the short term Dealing with negative people over the long term Related articles References
Everyone has a co-worker or friend who sucks all the energy you have, who constantly complains that the whole world is against them. Unfortunately, you have to put up with the negative people in your life. However, a negative thought pattern can have an effect on your well-being [1] , which is why it is important to avoid it. Fortunately, there are ways to deal with the negative people in your life.
Method
1
Dealing with negative people in the short term
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Remember that you are not responsible. It's very kind of you to try to help others, but it's not your job and changing a negative person doesn't happen overnight, nor is it possible... When dealing with negative people, it is first of all very important to take distance by protecting yourself.
Sometimes the best way to communicate with negative people is to ignore their pessimism and stay positive.
Advice that is not asked for is rarely taken into consideration. Wait for the person to ask your opinion.
People sometimes have legitimate reasons to be negative, respect them. The best way to piss off someone who is in a bad mood is to tell them that they shouldn't behave like that. Even if you're right, it won't help or you'll piss him off even more.
Lead by example by being positive. The best thing to do is often to have a positive attitude. In the face of negativity, stay cheerful and don't let the other person's arguments get you down.
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Give them your support. The first time you meet a negative person, lend them an attentive and sympathetic ear. Try to help her if she needs it. Everyone has a bad day sometimes or needs a helping hand from time to time. You don't want to hastily reject a friend who needs you.
If this person keeps harping on the same negative topics, you feel emotionally tired after meeting them, and if they use predominantly negative words and phrases (I can't, they don't, I hate), this is when you should try to disarm his negativity.
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Don't get involved. It is very easy when confronted by a negative person to find yourself sucked into their negativity. Choosing not to get involved doesn't mean you choose to ignore it, it means you want to maintain an emotional distance.
Negative people tend to exaggerate, focus on their negativity, and ignore positive things. Instead of trying to get them to understand that they're negative (which usually leads to a confrontation that reassures that person that the world is against them), try to give them answers without implication, which don't not encouraging, but not condemning its negativity.
Don't try to argue with a negative person. Our first reaction to negative people is often to try to argue, which is useless. Negative people usually have plenty of arguments and defenses to keep them where they are. You would certainly spend a lot of time and effort to help the other, but the result will be frustration and you may fall into negativity yourself.
Stay neutral and just say I understand , I see .
Stay positive, but try not to contradict the other person. “Yes, it's really difficult to talk to customers who are so incomprehensible, I try not to take it personally”.
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Use appreciative requests. If this person is showing some negativity about certain topics or events, you can have a conversation with them using a technique called appreciative inquiry . Appreciative inquiry is a process where you ask her questions to help her envision a more positive future. If she's complaining about an event that happened in the past, you can ask her questions that focus on the positive side of that experience or questions about her future [2] .
For example, you could ask him: what would you like to happen next time? Or what are the positive points to take away from this experience?
This question should lead that person to envision a happier future and to imagine ways to arrive at such a future.
5
Drive the conversation. If the appreciative asking technique doesn't lead to a productive and positive conversation, you can gently steer the conversation to a more innocuous topic .
For example, you could say to him: I understand that you are upset because of your co-worker. It must be very hard. Tell me about your plans for the weekend or wow, that really sounds like torture. Have you seen this new documentary?
6
Try to break up his negative ruminations. Ruminations (that is, when he constantly dwells on the same negative thoughts) only reinforce his negativity. They are also associated with a higher level of depression [4] . If this person tends to ruminate, try to see if you can break this spiral by getting them to focus on something else.
Although leading the conversation can lead this person to a happier topic, you'll probably have to change the subject completely if you want to break up their negative rumination. If this person is ruminating about an interaction with their co-workers, try talking about their favorite TV show, their pet, or anything else that might lead to a more positive discussion.
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Help this person see how they could take control of the situation. Negative people tend to blame external factors rather than themselves. People who blame factors for their problems tend to be emotionally unwell more often than people who follow a different point of view [5] . Try to support the negative person by developing a plan to help them deal with the negative events [6] .
It is not necessarily unhealthy to complain about a negative situation. We often go through problems and we develop a way of dealing with these problems during this phase. Try to help this person direct their negative energy in a constructive way. You can ask her, for example, what she could do to change an unfavorable situation at work.
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Help this person to accept negative events. In addition to showing this person how they might react when they go through a negative event, you can also ultimately help them to accept these negative events [7] . For example, imagine that one of your friends received a reprimand at work because of being late. He will complain about it at lunch time that he has to take the bus and that his boss is personally angry with him. In this kind of situation, you can tell him the following things.
Well, the blame has already been filled and nothing can change it. You can now show your boss that you will be on time from now on .
Have you ever thought about coming to work by bike? That way, you wouldn't be dependent on the bus to get there on time and you could leave home a little later .
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Put up barriers. When dealing with negative people, set up barriers in how you interact with them. You don't have to take responsibility for another person's negativity. If this person pulls you down too much, you need to spend more time away from them.
If this negative person is a co-worker, cut through their negativity by telling them that you need to get back to work. Do it politely, otherwise you could feed his creativity.
If this person is a member of your family (especially if you live under the same roof), try to avoid them as much as possible. Go out to the library or the cafe or just don't answer the phone when she calls.
Method
2
Dealing with negative people over the long term
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1
Identify negative people. To be able to deal with a negative person in the long term, you have to be sure that this person is negative, because they could also very well be having a bad day [8] .
Negative people often become negative because they are constantly disappointed and hurt and this anger is associated with these circumstances.
Negative people tend to blame outside factors for their problems rather than themselves. Of course, there are also people who are totally negative about themselves and who can be too taxing for the people listening to them.
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Avoid lecturing or lecturing him. Long-term friendships or working relationships with negative people can drain your patience as well as your energy or time, but it's important to avoid lecturing or lecturing them [ 9] . Even the most positive people have a hard time accepting criticism, and negative people will take it as proof that you're against her too instead of taking that comment constructively.
Even if you feel better after saying how you feel, in the end it's not going to make the situation any better [10] . If you have to say what's on your mind about this negative person, do it with another person you trust.
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Act instead of just react. One way to help you and that person stuck in their negativity is to do good deeds for that negative person that weren't the result of a specific situation or conversation. Rejection by others will only reinforce their negative view of the world, which is why an act of acceptance can make a difference [11] .
People can naturally take for granted the support they receive when they are already in a negative state. Show this person a positive action towards them even when it is not the result of a negative situation. You could have a wider impact on interactions with this person if you follow this method.
For example, if you occasionally find excuses not to see this negative person while they're ruminating about a negative situation, try calling them to see you when they're not around. negative mood.
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Remind this person of positive events to help them refocus on positive things. Remind him, for example, of a funny time you spent together or a funny situation. Compliment her on something she did well. It reminds her that someone cares about her and helps her find the positive in her day .
For example: good essay, I was really impressed with all the research you did .
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Once in a while, do something nice that she doesn't expect. It can be anything, you can clean them up, invite them to watch a movie, or go for a walk together. It's a great way to show positivity to that negative person without sounding like a lesson in their behavior, because not many people take it well.
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Spend time in a group. Sometimes the best way to deal with a negative person (especially if they're in your circle of friends) is to organize group events to spread their negativity to everyone in the group . . However, you must be careful that these situations do not end in a general moral lesson from the whole group.
These steps work best when everyone in the group shows the same sympathy for the negative person and uses the same strategies to help them move past their negativity.
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Take responsibility for your own happiness. Since we are social creatures, human happiness often depends on the quality of our relationships with others. However, you are the only person responsible for your positivity and happiness [14] .
Happiness in spite of circumstances allows one to gain more control over emotional responses rather than the situation. For example, if you have a negative friend, you can let them drain you of your positivity or you can rely on reminders of positive things before and after your interaction.
Controlling your own emotional responses is a lot like training a muscle. You need to practice taking control of your emotions in external situations, such as when dealing with a negative person.
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Evaluate the role of this person in your life. In the end, sometimes the best way to deal with a negative person is to eliminate them from your life altogether. There are times when her negativity pulls you down so much that she can no longer provide you with a satisfying and mutually pleasing relationship.
You need to consider the pros and cons before eliminating someone from your life. This can be difficult to do if this person is part of a circle of mutual friends. It might even be impossible, for example if this person is a co-worker or your boss.
Honestly review what this relationship with this person brings you and don't rely too much on how the relationship was before if this person has become more negative over the past few months or years.
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Avoid this person. If you can't completely get rid of this person, your best bet is to avoid them . Remember that you need to take care of yourself. You don't owe anyone your time and energy, especially if that person is draining your energy with their negativity.
Advice
Remember that people have different reasons for being negative, including feelings of insecurity, low self-esteem, a history of abuse, frustrations in life, insecurity, etc
These people might struggle to see the positive side of life or the positive results. Remember that these people must want to change how they think about themselves.
Do not react to negative comments. If you don't give this person the reaction they want, they're going to shut down, because they can't get the attention they crave.
You need to be polite, avoid being too harsh, and be patient.
Warnings
Don't let someone else's negativity turn you into a pessimist. You must remember that you are responsible for your own happiness.
A permanently negative person could be depressed. If her negativity takes the form of conversations about harming herself or others, encourage her to see a specialist.
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