How to be more affectionate

How to be more affectionate

 

References

In this article: Increase affection through touch  Work on verbal affection Developing habits that promote affection  Related articles  References

Affection is the physical expression of feelings. Affection is usually associated with love and long-lasting relationships because when expressed consistently, it brings people together. Studies have shown that children who receive lots of physical affection during childhood become less stressed adults  [1] . Other studies have shown that partners who share a lot of physical affection are more satisfied with their relationship  [2] .

 

 

 

Method

1

Increase affection through touch

1

Know how to recognize any discomfort. Some people, because of their personality, family history, or intimate issues, are not comfortable with touch. This will make it difficult for them to initiate or appreciate physical affection, such as a caress, a hug, a hug, or simply holding hands  [3] .

Address your fear of physical contact or intimacy. Accept your fear and figure out where it comes from. It might help you to realize that your fear is probably not related to your current partner or your current situation. Try to overcome your block  [4] .

Talk to your partner, tell them you are feeling unwell and explain why. Ask him to be patient. Physical displays of affection may come more easily to you once you get to know the person better and address the root of your discomfort with physical intimacy. In addition, by working on communication within your couple, you will develop a more affectionate and stronger relationship.

Talk to a professional. A professional can help you deal with the negative emotions related to your fears and overcome your reluctance to show your physical affection. If you don't want to see a professional, you can write down your feelings in a journal or express your feelings in another way.

Make a habit of showing your physical affection. Take your partner's hand, touch their shoulder or hug them as often as possible. Over time, physically showing your affection will become easier and more natural for you.

 

 

2

Schedule cuddling time with your children or your partner. Touch helps relieve pain and stress and can help people get through difficult times and strengthen their relationship  [5] . Set aside a time each day to cuddle with your family, to promote good physical and psychological health. Date nights, bedtime stories, and even TV time can all be snuggled up.

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3

Give your hand. Whether it's with your partner or with your children, holding hands is a quick and painless step that can really strengthen a relationship. In fact, it's probably one of the easiest ways to quickly increase the physical affection you show another person. Whether you're walking to the bus stop, browsing the supermarket aisles, or sitting on your couch, reach out to that special someone and take their hand.

4

Include physical touch in your list of health goals. Physical contact with your children and your partner will allow your brain to produce oxytocin, the cuddling hormone, which helps reduce tension. Physical contact will also help your body reduce its production of cortisol, the stress hormone  [6] . Physical contact activates the orbitofrontal cortex, the part of the brain that handles feelings of satisfaction and might even boost your immune system  [7] .

5

List healthy ways to physically show your affection. Physical affection will be any touch intended to boost feelings of affection or love, in the giver or the receiver  [8] . Put your list in writing so you can come back to it later. Then, set a goal to apply each point on your list several times during the week.

To show your affection, you could for example: kiss your partner, massage him, caress him, hug him, hold his hand. There could also be methods specific to you or your relationship that could show your love as well.

While it may take 21 days to form a new habit, the length of time it takes will actually depend on each person. Go back to this list for several months, in order to permanently get into the habit of physically expressing your affection to your loved ones.

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6

Give affectionate pats. To share moments of laughter with your partner, try affectionate nudges. You could gently pinch him, give him a shoulder or knee bump, playfully slap him, gently nudge him, or gently dig your fist into his ribs. Make sure your partner doesn't mind, and never hit them hard, hurt them, or bruise  them .

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7

Interlace your feet. You can hug your partner's legs with yours, kick them under the table, put your feet on their lap, or vice versa. This will bring you physically closer to each other and help you stay aware of your partner's presence if you are sitting facing each other. Remember that any physical contact intended to show affection is a form of physical affection.

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8

Try a massage. Along with other forms of physical affection, massage can help strengthen your relationship. In addition, massages have many health benefits: they help fight stress, promote good blood circulation and the passage of nutrients through the body and help relieve pain. For all these reasons, a back massage , a foot massage or a full body massage are great ways to show your physical affection. Your partner will appreciate the gesture and will likely return the favor.

Method

2

Work on verbal affection

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1

Verbally affirm your feelings. Expressing your feelings through words, such as saying "  I love you  " or "  I care about you  ," is an important way to strengthen a relationship, and it will benefit you both physically and mentally  [10] . Don't let emails and texts replace your verbal displays of affection. If you are far from those you love, give them a call: the exchange will be more personal, even if it will take more time.

Verbal expressions of affection are the words you say to affirm your feelings of love and affection and to make your partner feel loved. These words could be unique to you and your partner, as long as you know what you're saying strengthens your affection for each other and triggers the desired emotions.

If you must communicate through electronic devices, end your messages with "  I'm thinking of you  " or "  I miss you  " instead of a more traditional formula  [11] .

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2

Know how to manage a long-distance relationship. Understand that long-distance relationships require more verbal affection. Since you won't be able to physically touch each other and develop your bond that way, you'll need to tell your partner how you feel about them more often. This is important for maintaining your bond and strengthening your feelings of safety, comfort, and trust. If possible, use Skype or Google Hangout so you can make eye contact and read each other's body language as you speak.

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3

Compliment someone you care about every day. Compliments are a way to show verbal affection and can build the other person's self-esteem, show them that they matter to you, and make them feel good. In addition, compliments motivate people to succeed because they believe they can  [12] . However, always make sure that your compliments are sincere or your remarks will pass for mere flattery.

Look for things you admire or appreciate about this person, or things they are good at, and compliment them on that. It could be their appearance, a feature of their face that you like a lot (like their eyes or their lips), a trait of their personality, their achievements, the way you feel about them. presence or skill that you admire.

Be honest and don't pass up opportunities to compliment people you love. Tell your wife she has beautiful eyes when you look at her or say, "You complete me," if that's true. Tell your husband "you look great in that shirt" when he's getting ready for work or "you're a really good cook" when he's making you breakfast. Tell your child "you're so smart" when they show you their report card or "you're so good at sports" after practice.

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4

Greet your partner or children when they come home. Stop what you're doing and interact with your partner and kids so they notice you're giving them your full attention. They will need to know that they are more important to you than anything else and that you have missed them. Pair displays of verbal affection with displays of physical affection, such as kissing your children on the cheek or on the forehead. Kiss your partner on the mouth or on the cheek.

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5

Give nicknames to your partner and your children. A nice little name will be the sign of a special bond. The nickname you choose will usually reflect a characteristic, habit, or event related to that person. It could also be a diminutive of his real name.

Here are some common nicknames: my angel, cowboy, doll, baby, my darling, my chip, my love, my heart.

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6

Take the time to say thank you. Think about everything this person does for you and all the ways they make your life better. Look her in the eyes and express your gratitude in a few sentences. You will need to let her know how much you love her and how much you appreciate everything she does for you.

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7

Don't just say "I love you". Don't think that "I love you" is the only way to express your affection. If you don't say it often, get into the habit of regularly telling your partner that you love him. Phrases like "you're awesome" or "I'm so lucky to have you in my life" are also great ways to show your affection. There's also probably something special about your relationship, like a shared interest in cars. You can expand on these sound bites and talk about this aspect of your relationship to make your statement that much deeper. If you love cars, you could use your favorite vehicle to explain to your partner how you feel about them: "You're my 1968 Plymouth Road Runner Hemi."

Method

3

Developing habits that promote affection

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1

Automatically return the affection offered to you. Respond to expressions of affection with a tender gesture, compliments, "I love you", a kiss or a clap in the hand. Ignore your tendency to hesitate in the moment. If you're not used to reacting like this, you might need a little practice. Soon, these expressions of affection will be second nature.

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2

Don't let one parent be "the loving parent." In decades past, it was not culturally important for dads to be affectionate with their children. However, times have changed. Both parents will need to make an effort to show their children affection, even if it isn't natural for one of them.

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3

Look people in the eye. When you hug, hold a loved one's hand, or give them a compliment, looking that person in the eye will help you draw closer to them and show them that you mean it. Studies have shown that looking someone you love in the eye (even a pet) can promote the production of oxytocin. You and the other person will feel so good and your efforts will be worth it.

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4

Set goals. According to motivational strategists, good habits can be established by visualizing how you would like things to happen, such as being a more loving parent. Then set yourself microquotas: “I will devote 20 minutes every day to talking directly with my children”. Always break big goals down into smaller ones, so they're less daunting and you can celebrate your successes more often  [13] .

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5

Don't be afraid to consult a professional. If you have no desire to show your affection or don't know how to express it, consider talking to a therapist or counselor, either alone or with your partner. Relationships take work. Do not necessarily associate couples therapy or personal therapy with weakness. If you love your partner and want your relationship to work, nothing should hold you back from doing everything in your power to strengthen your relationship.