How to write to someone with cancer

 

How to write to someone with cancer

 

References

In this article: Express support and care  Avoid being callous and lacking in finesse  Related articles References

If someone you know has just been diagnosed with cancer, you may be struggling with what to say or how to express how you feel. You want to show that you care for him, while showing your support and giving him your encouragement. Writing a letter can be a good way to express yourself, as you will have time to choose your words carefully. The tone of the letter will depend on the nature of your relationship with the person, however you should still ensure that the letter expresses clearly and simply what you think.

 

 

 

Part

1

Express support and care

1

Say something. When you know someone who has just been diagnosed with cancer, you may feel numb or unable to handle the situation. It's perfectly normal to be sad and sorry about the situation and not know what to do, but it's important not to walk away from your friend. Even if you don't know what to say or how to react, make the effort to contact him and show him that you are there.

You could start by sending a short note or message saying that you know about the news and are thinking of him, it might make him feel less alone  [1] .

You might say, "I'm sorry what happened to you, I'm thinking of you  [2] . »

If you don't know what to say, you can admit it. Say, "I'm not sure what to say, but I wanted to let you know that this means a lot to me and that I'm here for you  [3] . »

2

Offer your emotional support. Everyone is different, but in general, someone who has just been diagnosed with cancer is likely to feel very lonely. It is very important that you make it clear to her that you are there to support her and to help her as much as you can. You could express your support by saying, “Please tell me how I can help you. »

Having good listening skills can make the difference. Say something like, "If you want to talk, I'm here for you  . " »

You could offer to listen to the person, but you shouldn't force them to talk or tell you more details about the diagnosis.

3

Offer practical support. In your letter, you might want to express that you will be there to help her in any way you can. This can relate to practical support, as well as emotional support. In some cases, practical help can be a very important help to a friend who is suffering from cancer. Offering to do daily chores like helping take care of their children and pets, or cooking and cleaning could really help this weak or tired person.

Keep in mind that this person may not want to oblige you to do them a favor by asking you something.

Try to help in a natural way, even if you are not used to this situation.

For example, if you're offering to pick up the kids from school, you might say, "I'm always in this neighborhood when they go out, I could take them home." »

Don't just say, "Would you like me to pick up your kids from school   ? " »

4

Give him encouragement. It is important that you are encouraging and not pessimistic or downcast. Finding the middle ground might be a bit tricky, as it's just as important not to show feigned optimism or ignore the seriousness of the situation. Accept the situation, but always express your support and encouragement.

You might say, "I realize you're going through an incredibly difficult time, but I'm here to support you and help you through it any way  I can . " »

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5

Use humor when appropriate. Depending on the relationship you have with your friend, humor could be a good way to express your encouragement and support, while helping them smile again. But that might be quite difficult to achieve through a letter, as you won't be able to judge his reaction and body language.

Making a joke about hair loss, for example, could be a good way to relieve stress  [7] .

Use good judgment and when in doubt avoid making a joke in the letter.

Since the person is undergoing treatment, it is preferable to move towards light pleasures, comedy being a good source of joy. Watch funny movies, go see a show or watch videos of comedians on the internet.

Part

2

Avoid being callous and lacking in finesse

1

Remember that each cancer represents a different ordeal. You may know someone who has been through this ordeal, but you shouldn't refer to that experience over your friend. Avoid sharing the stories of people you know who have suffered from cancer and remember that each case is different.

Instead, you can suggest to your friend that this disease is familiar to you and let him decide whether or not he wants to ask you to elaborate [8] .

Saying something like, "My neighbor had cancer and did well" isn't going to reassure your friend.

You risk giving him the impression that you are diverting attention from him, when you are just trying to express your support and solidarity  [9] .

Even if your intention is to say comforting things, let the person talk and listen. It's the best way to find out what she needs.

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2

Don't say you understand what your friend is going through. You may think you're expressing your support and solidarity with him, but unless you've been through it yourself, you don't really know how he feels, so don't say otherwise  . . If you say something like, "I know what you're going through" or "I really understand how you feel," he might think you don't really realize the seriousness of the  situation .

If you try to compare your friend's diagnosis to a difficult time in your life or someone you know, it might come across as callousness.

If you know someone who has had cancer, you could mention it and offer to introduce it to that person, but don't force their hand.

You could simply say, "I have a friend who had cancer a few years ago and if you'd like, I could put you in touch  [12] . »

Make compassionate comments like "I can't imagine how hard this must be for you" or "If you need me, I'm here. »

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3

Don't give him advice or judge him. You may think you could advise them on how to manage their illness or tell them how someone you know benefited from an alternative treatment. But your friend doesn't necessarily want to hear a long story about something that has little to do with him. Offering advice on something you don't have clear experience with may seem like a lack of finesse. Leave advice to doctors  [13] .

This is also not the time to ask him questions about his lifestyle.

Maybe your friend has been a long-time smoker and you've talked to him or her about the risk of lung cancer countless times. It doesn't matter now. Focus on how much support you can provide  [14] .

Don't try to convince him that he should have a certain type of treatment, regardless of your beliefs. Whether he has conventional or alternative treatment is his decision, not yours.

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4

Don't be blindly optimistic. It's important to be positive, but you shouldn't say something like "I'm sure everything will be fine" or "You'll be fine." Maybe you're just trying to show your support, but in fact your words might be interpreted as a lack of awareness of the seriousness of the situation. You may not know all the details of diagnosis and prognosis  [15] .

Don't pressure your friend to reveal more details about the prognosis than they have already done.

Instead, take the time to learn as much as you can about this topic on your own.

You could talk to friends or family to get more information, but always be sure to respect your friend's need for privacy  [16] .

Advice

Don't write a letter and then disappear. True support is about continuous and sustained action, not just a few words.

Do not change the way you behave and communicate with the person because they have cancer. Treat her like you always have.