How to meet new people

 

How to meet new people

 

In this article: Adopt the right attitude Have a good conversation Respect the limits Related articles References

We all know that the first impression counts enormously during a meeting. If you want to initiate contact and make new friends, but don't want to come across as too strange, it's important to strike a balance between showing interest and being the one. or one that seems too oppressive... or even downright desperate!

 

 

 

Part

1

Adopt the right attitude

1

Live in the moment. The first thing you need to do to meet new people without looking weird is to stop worrying about your image and enjoy the present moment and the ongoing conversation. Forget your expectations, your ego, your fears, and anything else that might prevent a conversation from flowing naturally. Learn to focus on your interlocutor, stop focusing on yourself and thus avoid straying from the interesting points of the conversation.

When you approach someone, don't ask yourself, “What do I look like? or "Do I look stupid?" ". Instead, ask yourself, "What would this person like to talk about?" What is important to her? »

You can maintain this mindset by always being one step ahead of the person and thinking about what to say next, while paying attention to what they say. This will help you avoid losing the thread of the conversation, rehashing what you said five minutes ago, and thinking about the impression you're making.

 

 

2

Don't seem too excited to meet this person. You could then easily come across as weird or clingy. People whose happiness depends too heavily on others are unstable and lack true self-confidence. If you sound like you'd be devastated that this person doesn't want to be your friend or partner, it's time to cool down. Be patient and watch your behavior.

If you get along really well with someone you meet, don't say "I like you" too quickly! or "You're really awesome!" unless you are sure that this interest is shared.

Whether you're meeting a friend or a potential partner, don't ask for their phone number in the middle of a conversation or as soon as you feel like you like that person. Wait for the end of the conversation, it will be much more natural.

If you meet someone you think you can develop a real friendship with, you can casually say, "We should go see that new movie together" or "I'd love to try that yoga class you're telling me about!" » Don't immediately invite the other person to do something too intense or too personal. Don't invite her to go hiking with you for 3 days, join you for a family dinner, or help you pick out new underwear. Keep it casual or you'll seem too pushy.

Avoid sounding weird or desperate and don't say "I don't have many friends, I'd love to hang out with you!" You risk scaring that person away.

3

Trust yourself. You may doubt yourself, but you'll be much less likely to scare the other person off by trusting yourself and making them feel like a worthy person. You should be confident before you even walk into a room with strangers and build your confidence as the conversation progresses. Smile, talk about the things you love, and show everyone you love who you are, where you are, and what you do.

Body language can help you feel confident. Stand up straight, look people in the eye, don't fidget nervously with your hands, and don't look at the floor.

Don't look at yourself in every mirror or reflective surface you come across or people will see that you are self-doubtful or narcissistic.

When you introduce yourself, speak clearly and loud enough to be heard.

 Image intitulée Meet New People Step 4

4

Be positive. Maintaining a positive attitude (without appearing too excited) will make people want to chat with you. Smile and laugh once in a while without keeping a weird grin on your face and laughing at things that aren't funny. Talk about things that interest you, things that make you happy and your passions (as long as they are not too confusing: for example avoid mentioning taxidermy or your passion for the history of torture in the Middle Ages during a first meeting), so that people enjoy chatting with you.

If you start out talking about your hatred for a certain teacher, classmate, celebrity, or anyone else, then yes, you'll come across as weird.

Don't nod your head or nod every 5 seconds to what the other person is saying like a little doggie, you'll seem desperate. The occasional "That's exactly it" or "I totally see what you mean" will be much more positive and much less creepy.

Part

2

Have a good conversation

 Image intitulée Meet New People Step 5

1

Learn to chat. There's nothing ridiculous about chatting. It's these little conversations that will help you get to know people and start a more serious conversation and a more personal relationship. Talking about the weather, your job, or the classes you're taking could lead you to a conversation about your favorite interests or fond memories of a certain year.

To make a chat, try to be interested in your interlocutor instead of focusing the conversation on you and trying to seem interesting.

Ask basic questions to your interlocutor, ask him for example what courses he follows, if he has pets or siblings, what he does during the holidays.

Learn how to develop the conversation from a simple comment. If the person says they hate the rain, you might ask them what they like to do on a sunny day.

Listen carefully. If your interlocutor mentions that he is from the South, when you then talk about football, you could casually ask him if he supports OM or OGC Nice.

 Image intitulée Meet New People Step 6

2

Stick to a reasonable amount of detail. Awkward silences can easily make people uncomfortable, but so will if you talk nonstop about your mom, your cat, or your bug collection. For a good conversation, learn to discover commonalities between you and the other person, in a relaxed and non-intrusive way. For example, there's a difference between asking someone "Have you ever touched a tarantula?" and "Have you ever felt the tiny hairs of a tarantula brush against the palm of your hand?" ". The last formula is more poetic, on the other hand it is far too intimate for a first conversation.

Learn how to start a conversation and keep it going in a fun, positive, and casual way.

It bears repeating that you shouldn't dwell on overly original passions and interests unless they are shared by your interviewer or they ask a lot of questions. If he only asks you a question or two, that doesn't mean he's interested, but more likely that he's being polite. Don't dominate the conversation with your enthusiasm.

When you meet someone for the first time, it's more important to listen to what they have to say than to talk about yourself. That said, if the two do this… no conversation! Aim for balance.

 Image intitulée Meet New People Step 7

3

Find commonalities. Look for things that you and that person have in common, even if it's not easy. If you are both from Landes, talk about your favorite beaches or ask him if he plays rugby. If you find out you went to the same college, then talk about your extracurricular activities or the bars you frequented at the time.

Do not reveal your intentions with too much evidence: by asking the person to name these 10 series of favorite musical groups, you would quickly be unmasked.

It can be a very simple subject. For example, the two of you might find that the bar you are in has an incredible selection of beer.

It's recommended to stick to positive commonalities, but you could still get closer by sharing your hatred for Justin Bieber (careful to make sure this hatred is shared!) or your own story.

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4

Give appropriate compliments. To keep the conversation going, you can give the person you're talking to a compliment. Say something like “Wow! It sounds like you're working hard to juggle work and school" or "I love your earrings" can help the person feel appreciated. Saying "You have the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen" or "I've never seen such gorgeous legs" would probably send a more ambiguous message.

When you're just meeting someone, don't shower them with compliments. Simply complimenting a personal item or personality trait during conversation will help you come across as polite, without being weird.

Part

3

Respect the limits

 Image intitulée Meet New People Step 9

1

Start slowly. Think of every relationship as a video game. You start at the easiest level and over time you progress to more difficult levels and earn more and more victories. When you're just meeting someone, you're at level 1 and you're not supposed to go to level 2 until you're done with that first level and so on. Creepy people tend to jump straight to level 15.

You'll be able to advance through the game by talking about personal topics, but start with simple, innocuous topics, like your field of study or your favorite band.

Do not talk about your loneliness, your depression or your recent nervous breakdowns: you will automatically be rejected.

 Image intitulée Meet New People Step 10

2

Avoid staring at people. Prolonged and intense eye contact is usually reserved for lovers. This is something you can do if the person in front of you is obviously romantically interested in you, but even then it would be risky because if you get it wrong, you'll look crazy. Look the person in the eye when they speak, but occasionally look away and focus your interest on something else.

And be careful not to stare at the person's body (their breasts, hands, shoes, whatever), even if you're curious or admiring. In general, avoid giving the person the impression that you are putting them under a microscope.

 Image intitulée Meet New People Step 11

3

Avoid asking too personal questions. What is "too personal"? It depends ! Pay attention to other people's conversations. Notice what topics people easily talk about when they first meet. Know the subjects to avoid: romantic experiences, politics, religion, illness and everything related to murder and death (now is not the time to explain that the sword that decorates your wall was designed to pierce the intestines of the adversary in a very precise way).

Ask "Do you have a boyfriend?" may be appropriate if your conversation is about being single. Asking "Have you ever met the love of your life?" or “Have you ever had a difficult breakup?” " is not.

Know how to balance the questions. Asking hundreds of questions when the other person asks none can be disturbing, even if the questions are not personal.

 Image intitulée Meet New People Step 12

4

Avoid extending inappropriate invitations. Do not invite someone you have just met to come to your home or other private place or invite them to visit your basement, a cabin in the woods, an abandoned greenhouse or any other place where a horror movie scene. Invitations like this imply that you expect the person to trust you completely, which someone you just met won't (unless that person is also very weird).

If you want to invite the person, suggest a public place where there will be people.

Your invitation might also seem inappropriate if it's an intimate event. You wouldn't ask a girl to accompany you to a wedding on your first date.

 Image intitulée Meet New People Step 13

5

Use respectful body language. In the end, we all have different standards when it comes to “weird people”. The only way to know what your interviewer's criteria are is to learn to read the signs that the person is ready to move on to the next level or, on the contrary, that you are making them feel uncomfortable. There are still some basic rules to follow so as not to have body language that will scare people away.

For example, if someone looks around a lot or towards the door or turns away from you, it's probably a sign that they want to end the conversation. You will have to be very attentive and practice, but once you can read body language, you will take it into account subconsciously.

If your body language betrays that you are uncomfortable or embarrassed, then you may scare the other person away. For example, avoid getting too close to the person or sputtering when you speak.

Don't touch someone you've just met unless you're very comfortable. Avoid approaching and touching the person's hair or putting your hand over theirs when laughing, unless you're completely sure you've established an intimate connection.

 

 

 Image intitulée Meet New People Step 14

6

Learn to handle rejection (if necessary). If people keep rejecting you despite your best efforts, you may need to take a different approach. For starters, it's important to understand why people don't want to get close to you. If the problem seems to be on your own, you may need to focus on actually changing your behavior. People considered social outcasts are often just very special. It's easy to resent people who treat you like crap just because you're different. And this feeling could encourage you not to change your behavior.

Accept that people judge each other and are often wrong. You'll have to get used to it, that's how it works. Don't think that adapting your behavior so that people change their behavior towards you would mean that you have to forget about being yourself.

By having a more adapted behavior, people could get to know you, understand you and appreciate your originality.

Accept rejection. No matter how you approach people, some people just won't react the way you expected.

Your conversation will not always go as planned. The person you're trying to talk to may have had a really bad day, is nervous, wants to be alone, or is just plain rude. Understand it, turn away and try with someone else.

Advice

When you're not sure what to say, a simple "hum" or nod will show you're interested in the conversation and help the person talking relax. Just be careful not to overdo it or you'll seem too pushy.

Don't think you have to change your appearance or the way you dress. Be yourself ! If you are able to adapt the way you approach people, your appearance won't matter much. But if you're meeting someone for the first time, wearing a latex catsuit won't help.

Avoid trying to appear too cool. It's often presented in the media, especially cartoons and video games, that being aloof, mysterious, and quiet is cool. In real life, this behavior might just scare people off  [1] .

If you feel the person is uncomfortable, give them a way out. Say "I would like to continue talking, but I see that you are busy, I do not want to distract you from your work". This will give your interviewee the opportunity to give their point of view, for example by saying "No, no problem, I don't mind at all" or "Thank you, I absolutely have to continue my work".

Note: If you're a woman, it's in your best interest not to be too friendly when you first meet. Too liberated women sometimes give the impression of just wanting to have a good intimate time, nothing more. Exception made when it comes to ladies of a certain age.