How to make others like you in 90 seconds

How to make others like you in 90 seconds

 

References

In this article: While speaking Use body language Use your personality Related articles References

You only have 90 seconds to make that first impression. This won't change once you've achieved it. Luckily, people all work more or less the same way, and they're likely to be interested in you if you show enthusiasm for them. But it's a little more than that.

 

 

 

Method

1

While speaking

1

Express your sincere interest and enthusiasm. People are purely and simply attracted to those who like them. You will be comforted in your position if you can show that you genuinely care about the person you are talking to and if you genuinely care about what they have to say. You could almost spout gibberish that no one would notice.

How are you going to do it ? Well, first smile, exchange glances and focus on others. Ask questions. Join the discussion. Nothing is set in stone and everything is a matter of common sense (we'll get to that later). You will succeed if you are full of good will.

2

Ask questions. How else will you keep the conversation going? When you are engaged in a conversation with someone, don't forget questions. People generally like to talk about themselves, so it's pretty easy to get people to like you by listening to them and being interested in what they're saying. They'll never notice they're doing all the talking, except when it's too late!

On the other hand, make sure to bring up some interesting hints about yourself too to keep the conversation open and two-way. You must ask open-ended questions (which cannot simply be answered with yes or no) and also show your commonalities with your interlocutor as well as your personality. Thus, instead of saying flatly: “I was in Lima too! you should say, “Are you back from Lima? It's awesome ! I was there last spring with the French team of wikiHow. Have you visited this sublime llama farm? »

3

Compliment them. The easiest and fastest way to almost instantly get liked and complimented. We all know that the smallest compliment can brighten our day. Just make sure to be sincere! You won't win admirers by saying, "Well, I really like that bluish shade on your teeth."

Compliment their outfits. "You're wearing a lovely dress, it looks great on you" or their attitude "I appreciated your composure when that rude fellow bumped into you!" It always works because it's hard not to like someone who flatters you.

This tactic must be combined with other tactics if you plan to stay near this person for more than 90 seconds. Imagine your reaction if you were complimented all the time. You wouldn't believe a word of it! Use this technique if you want to go further as the icing on the cake of your personality.

4

Know his name. If you're meeting someone for the first time, it's assumed that you'll know their name within the first 90 seconds of the interview, after which you have 89 seconds to work your magic. Remember it and use it. Say goodbye at the end of the interview and be sure to use the person's first name (but it will all depend on the context) to personalize the interview: “It was a pleasure to meet you, Marc. I hope we'll meet again soon. »

Dale Carnegie said that a person's first name is the most pleasant sound for them to hear in any  language . So use and abuse it. It's the closest thing to a magic formula you can have.

5

Overwhelm your interlocutor with positive vibrations. In a conversation, try to bring up positive topics. They are much more pleasant to hear than pessimism. Talk about what you like to do, your hobbies and your special interests. Don't try to belittle anything or talk about what you don't like since you only have 90 seconds to make a good impression. You wouldn't want this person to think that you have a pessimistic outlook on life.

It's true that compassion is a powerful bonding tool, but you shouldn't use it in the first minute and a half of the interview. Save this gem of socialization when you have familiarized yourself a little with your vis-à-vis. Above all, you need to have a positive attitude.

Do not put yourself forward to be sure to remain pleasant. So when the person you're talking to says, “Yeah, I just got back from Lima,” you're not going to say, “Oh, is that right? I just came back from Paris and Madrid! This is not a contest. You should be honored by the presence of this person and not arrange for them to honor you.

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6

Talk like them. In his book, "How to Make Other People Like You in 90 Seconds," Nicholas Boothman talks about the need to "speak like the other person." He claims that most people are either visual, kinesthetic or auditory and if you match them, they will find you more compatible and efficient and therefore more likable. You will immediately connect with them if you focus on any aspect of their personality.

It all sounds pretty abstract, doesn't it? The easiest way is to see how they express their understanding. If they say, "I see what you mean," they're probably a visual type. “I hear well” is of the auditory type. And if they talk using their hands, they're probably kinesthetic.

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7

Ask for a favor. Yes, you read that right. This tactic is known as the Benjamin Franklin effect, ask for a favor and you will only be appreciated more. You thought it was quite the opposite, but it is absolutely not the case. This is about cognitive dissonance and marking their minds. Who said it was easy?

The idea here suggests that if someone does something for you (it probably will if it's a small favor), the other person's subconscious will go off the rails: "Um... I did a favor for this person that I don't know well. Why did I do this? Yes well, I must probably appreciate it! It sounds a bit superficial until you realize that our behaviors determine our thoughts and helping is definitely one of those times!

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8

Be informed of what is happening in the world and stand up for your convictions. Nobody appreciates someone who just fills the space and is as fascinating as a plate of cold noodles. Take the time to get to know the world around you, if not for yourself, at least to make yourself a person of pleasant conversation and of a good level. You will be able to give a contribution that will be appreciated, which will make you interesting and difficult to forget.

Be sure to speak up for them if your views are being criticized. If you remain indecisive and do not know how to impose yourself, you risk losing the respect of others. People are attracted to people who are assertive and stand by their beliefs. Don't be scared! If you like Carla Bruni, say so. If you don't like dogs, well, explain yourself about it and move on. Honesty is always the best attitude.

Method

2

Use body language

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1

Smile . A smile makes you friendly, approachable and cheerful. These are qualities that people tend to take for themselves, in case you didn't already know! It turns out that no one wants to approach strangers or put themselves forward. The smile is therefore the first thing that allows you to show them that you are not a monster. Even the most confident people find a smile reassuring. Moreover, it costs nothing.

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2

Imitate them. This is the case when you adopt the same posture and the same physiognomy as them, like their reflection in a mirror. It subconsciously tells the other person that you are like them or feel the same  [2] . Have you ever been to a rock concert that left you feeling like you were in osmosis with 1,000 other spectators? It's because you were all screaming and stomping and swaying in unison. The same is true during an ordinary conversation of everyday life! You can feel a connection even if few words (if any) have been exchanged.

If you deliberately intend to apply this method seven days a week and twenty-four hours a day, you will undoubtedly be pinned. But it's good for 90 seconds. Imitate the position of the body of the other, do the same with the arms and also copy their physiognomy. You will probably also feel the exchange of energies that is taking place.

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3

Exchange glances . Imagine meeting someone who is constantly looking over your shoulders. You would almost have to restrain yourself from waving your hand under his nose and yelling, “Hey man! I'm here ! Spare him that and exchange a look. It tells the person that you're listening, that you're interested, and that you're sharing something with them and what they're saying. It is an attitude deemed rude to refuse to exchange eye contact.

If that's a problem for you, try the trick of staring at the tip of the person's nose or only looking at them when they're talking or you're talking to them. You don't need to stare at this person all the time. That would be too intense!

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4

Express your body language. This is important to show that you are polite and respectful, if you don't you risk coming across as rude and unapproachable. To give you an idea of ​​this, imagine seeing someone with their arms and legs crossed, sitting in a corner with their eyes glued to their iPhone. Would you like to approach this person? Could you qualify it as appreciable? Probably not. So have an open attitude, even if you think no one is watching you!

Aside from uncrossing your arms and holding your head up high, a big part of the technique is staying connected to the world and people around you. Ignore your phone when it starts ringing. Show the person that you are giving them your time. Don't check the time on your watch or look away to hypnotize your computer screen. Live in the present moment with the people around you. Believe it or not, your phone will still be there when people are gone.

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5

Use the power of physical contact. Imagine your co-worker walking past your desk with a brief hello. You will have forgotten it in five seconds. Now imagine that your coworker walks past your desk, walks in, and lightly touches your shoulder when he says hello. Which of these greetings is the most genuine and which makes the co-worker more sympathetic to you? It's the power of touch!

Now imagine that the colleague says to you: “Hi Marc! Everything is going well ? as he touches your shoulder. He associated this gesture with your name and a sincere greeting. And now ? You appreciate your colleague, you appreciate him very much.

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6

Make sure you coordinate your voice, gestures and words. This is very important if you hold a position of power or are looking for one, namely in the workplace. But it's just as important when you're trying to persuade people or just get a message across. Everything about you will matter if you want to be trustworthy and authentic. Imagine your darling telling you "I love you" between gnashing of teeth and a headbutt. Charming, isn't it?

This inappropriate behavior is often found among politicians. The bad ones, of course. It's not uncommon to see one of them saying, “I'm close to the younger generation. I know what young people want” while raising his fist and frowning. It seems quite brackish and one cannot adhere to it. It's a simple mistake that makes all the difference.

Method

3

Use your personality

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1

Be sure of yourself . Weak personalities are quite a deterrent in a way. Pompous personalities are obnoxious and repulsive in obvious ways. It is self-confidence that is seductive and attracts us like moths in a ray of light. So hold your head up, throw your shoulders back, and smile for those 90 seconds. You have the right attitude. You are relaxed, calm and poised. You are the one everyone wants to hang out with, did you know that?

Have a firm handshake if the situation calls for it. A limp handshake is frowned upon by most people, especially in a business setting. You need a handle that says, "I'm here and nowhere else!" and not: "I guess I'm here, but am I really?" " No thanks.

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2

Dress appropriately. People rely on a first impression (which also includes your clothes). So be sure to wear the clothes that match the situation. Few people appreciate individuals in tracksuits in a gourmet restaurant or a woman with outrageous makeup in a gym. We hate to admit it, but clothes are a reflection of our personality just as much as they shape our opinion of others, it's so easy, we can't help but judge systematically. So dress accordingly, whatever the occasion.

Also consider the small details. Men might not know what their showy watch can say about them, and women don't necessarily know the image they send back with flashy earrings. Everything from head to toe, your makeup, your haircut and your jewelry is data that others can save to you. So choose your outfits carefully if you want to make a good impression.

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3

Adopt the attitude of others. Here we find the mirror effect mentioned above. Since people like people who seem like them and seem to have things in common with them (especially during the first 90 seconds of an interview), it's good to adopt the attitude they exhibit. So whether they are conservative or quirky, there will always be something about them that you can easily copy and adopt.

In other words, roll up your sleeves if they're direct. If their tie knot is loose and a shirttail is sticking out of their pants, feel free to take off your shoes. If they're sporting an overpriced designer watch, refrain from commenting on the ravages of capitalism. Find whatever clues you can and customize them your way.

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4

Do not be afraid of clumsiness. Jennifer Lawrence was sensational in The Hunger Games, but she stumbled down the stairs to receive her nomination and she got even more sensational. So if you spill wine on yourself after hearing your new friends' funny joke, relax. It could actually be in your favor if you don't lose control. Your stain will be cared for as much as you are, so just clean that stain! This may bring out the golden shade of your eyes.

Everyone enjoys interacting with genuine people. Deep down inside, we're all 36th below, horrified at the idea of ​​being caught with our fingers in our noses. Finding yourself in an embarrassing situation and being able to laugh about it shows others that you are genuine and very comfortable with it. What a relief !

Advice

In a conversation, talk about things that don't require expressing a strong personal opinion. Because if you choose to raise very controversial issues, you run the risk of having to face an opinion very different from yours and your two personalities could clash instantly. It will then take you well over 90 seconds to be appreciated again.

When you look at someone, don't stare too eccentrically at that person. Just catch her eye when what she's telling you seems important or at least important enough for her!

Stay home if you've had a bad day. Bad mood is hard to dispel, if they meet you for the first time, people will easily sense it and confuse it with pessimism. Go out when you're in the best mood.