How to make friends and influence people
In this article: Control his appearance Winning hearts and minds Related articles
Much more than the subject of best-selling psychology books, making friends and successfully influencing people is actually a goal that most of us seek to achieve. But to do so, you will need patience, training and strength of character.
Part
1
Control his appearance
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1
Dress well. Think about costumes. People dress up to give others an image that they will immediately understand, whether the costume is a zombie costume, a firefighter costume or even a wedding costume. The fact is: all the outfits you wear are costumes, even the clothes you wear every day. They say a lot about you to people who see you. Use your clothes to give others an image of yourself that shows them the personality traits they are looking for in a friend: self-confidence, happiness, stability.
Generally speaking, this means wearing clothes that are clean, crisp and that fit you well. In addition, the colors and patterns of your clothes should match. It shows others that you love yourself enough and are responsible enough to take care of your appearance and are confident enough to show it off to the world.
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2
Practice good hygiene. When you're close enough to shake hands with someone, or even closer, the difference between good and bad hygiene is stark. If you want to bond with other people, you will need to be around them, so it will ultimately benefit you to keep your body in good shape and maintain it as well as possible, just like you do. with your clothes. Shower daily, wash your hair no less than three times and no more than five times a week, brush your teeth at least twice a day and floss at least once a day, clean your face, comb or brush your hair and use deodorant every morning. Also consider more long-term things, such as keeping your fingernails trimmed, and for men, keeping your beard and mustache trimmed and shaving regularly.
For women, it is possible to choose, according to your tastes, to shave your armpits and your legs or not. But take note that for some people, not shaving these areas of your body still remains today evidence of low self-esteem and poor self-discipline. It is therefore preferable to always shave your armpits and legs in order to reach the widest possible audience.
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3
Take care of your hair. Regardless of the length of your hair, you should in any case maintain it regularly, cut it or just thin it out at a hairdresser or barber you trust. Make sure you can always keep your hair looking clean and neat, even if you don't style it the same way when you're at home.
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4
Maintain your possessions. More specifically, your home and your vehicle (if you have one) are at the top of the list of things you need to take care of and maintain regularly. You never know who will come knocking at your door without warning or who will see you get out of your car or motorcycle. In addition, taking care of your living environment will help you feel good about yourself.
Your car should be cleaned about once a month, no litter should lie on your seats or carpets, and finally, it should be serviced regularly (changing the engine oil or rotating the tires by example). Your bike should be hand cleaned once a month (or more frequently if your bike tends to get dusty quickly or shows signs of mud) and it should be serviced twice a year at a cycle shop.
Your home should be kept as clean as possible, within reason of course. To prevent buildup, clean your kitchen and dishes every day after dinner. Clean your laundry as often as possible and once done, be sure to fold it up and put it away in a clean place. If you have a garden, clean it regularly of any waste that may be there using a rake. Regularly sweep the sidewalk in front of your house and the driveway in front of your garage and keep them clean.
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5
Control your body language. It has been said many times before, simply because it is a fact, body language is a powerful means of communication between two people. This comes from the fact that it is hard to pretend and that in every moment our body language says as much about our emotions as we do with our words. In many ways, watching someone's body language while they're talking to you can tell you more than just the words of the person you're talking to. That's why it's so important to do all you can to convey to the people you're speaking with, through your body language, all the things they want to hear from you.
The study of body language is very complex and depends a lot on the context in which you find yourself: the same gesture or the same posture can have different meanings depending on the person concerned as well as where and when this gesture is fact or this posture is adopted. So try to make yours easy to understand, instead of trying to decode the body language of everyone around you. Control everything you can and be indifferent to the rest.
Move energetically and without hesitation. This doesn't mean you should move quickly or abruptly, no, it does mean that your gestures should radiate a sort of aura of confidence to others. When you shake someone's hand, do it firmly, you'll be surprised how many people will notice. Walk gently and at your own pace, but don't walk too slowly or hunched your shoulders. Let your arms swing in time with your steps.
Pay attention to your posture. Any CP teacher will tell you this, and you've probably been told this many times before, but having correct posture is important. Your shoulders should be slightly behind your chest, which will prevent your back from leaning forward. Your neck should be in line with your spine, which should also keep your chin from pointing forward. Correct posture is not only a sign of confidence and good self-esteem, it will also allow you to breathe easier and reduce the risk of chronic pain in your back as you age.
Use your face to your advantage. If the eyes are the windows to the soul, your face is a sluice just waiting to be opened. Always do your best to smile sincerely, don't hesitate to make eye contact with people (especially when they're talking to you), and let your face be animated which demonstrates both sincerity and empathy. People would rather be with someone who always smiles and laughs than someone who always looks serious and distant.
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6
Stay active. Even a body in poor health exudes an aura of health around it when the person who possesses that body makes a prolonged effort to invigorate that body. Exercise as often as possible and don't overeat. If setting a schedule isn't your forte, just remember that some physical exertion is better than none at all. Even just a few minutes of exercise in the morning when you get out of bed or in the evening when you get home from work will help you maintain good posture, control your body language and have more energy.
Part
2
Winning hearts and minds
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1
Revise your rhetorical classics. Great orators come and go, but few have left such a lasting imprint on our civilization as Aristotle, the ancient Greek philosopher. His approach to rhetoric, dating back two millennia before our time, is still one of the most useful tools at our disposal to learn how to maximize our powers of persuasion, for whatever you want to talk about. In Aristotle, any element of persuasion is divided into three vital parts. And by harmoniously combining these three parts, it will be possible for you to shape good arguments and create an irresistible attraction towards you.
Create a strong backbone to your argument with logos. Logos is the clarity, organization, and internal consistency of what you want to say. The speeches made using the logos cannot be diverted to make them say something other than what you yourself have decided to say. Any attempt on the part of one of your opponents to change the meaning of your speech will only result in making it look like someone stupid.
Add credibility with ethos. Ethos is the ethical foundation of your argument, which is usually reflected in your tone and the way you state your argument, as well as your presence as a speaker (and your reputation, if you're lucky enough to have one). a). Speeches using ethos never cast doubt on your personal beliefs and reinforce the idea that you know what you are talking about and that you can be trusted.
Engage your listeners with pathos. Pathos is the part of your argument that helps you connect it to your listeners' personal lives, experiences, feelings, and imaginations. By filling your listeners with sympathetic emotions, speeches containing pathos make them speak as much about themselves as they do about you, which will encourage your audience to feel personally invested in what you say.
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2
Develop your ability to perform active listening. Nothing gets people to like you faster than being a good listener, but it's not just about sitting there, quietly, watching the other person's lips move. Being an "active listener" involves using certain techniques that will show your interviewer that you are listening. With a little practice, all of these techniques will feel natural and become part of your communication repertoire.
When an appropriate pause comes along, even in the middle of a sentence, let him know you're still listening with a soft noise like "yes" or "mm hmm." ". Don't overplay it, it will make you look impatient. Once every three or four sentences is sufficient.
Ask questions that will get your interviewer to go into greater detail about what they're telling you, whenever a question comes to mind. Don't cut your interlocutor off in the middle of a sentence, but remember that the sooner the better. It shows that the person in front of you is so interested in you that you want more details.
Use neutral affirmations. If you're not entirely sure how you feel about a story or if you're not sure if you agree or disagree, then rely on the other person's emotions to provide an answer. If the person you're talking to looks at you like he (or she) has a hard time believing his or her own story, nod, and say something like, "Wow, that's crazy!" or something that will allow you to bond with each other without having to choose a side just yet.
When the story is over, ask your interlocutor what they think or feel about the story. People love to summarize their ideas after telling a long story.
After the story has been summarized, summarize it again and share your summary with the person you are speaking with. This shows your interlocutor that you have listened to him or her and understood what he or she has said to you. Your interlocutor will appreciate you enormously just for that. You can then continue with your own opinion to keep the conversation alive. Imagine, for example, that someone tells you the story of his cat who needs to be brought back urgently to the vet. When the story is over, say "So your cat really had health issues?" But at least you got him to the vet in time. You know, it's just..."
Use personal anecdotes, but don't overdo it. You're probably trying to show sympathy and try to show that you understand, but your interviewer may start to think that maybe you'd rather talk about yourself than listen to others talk. So be moderate in using stories and personal anecdotes.
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3
Speak well. Most people think their voices are set in stone, but that's not the case. Although it is not possible to switch from soprano to baritone, it is still possible to exercise quite surprising control over the overall tone of your voice or even the clarity of the words you use.
Sing to learn to control your voice. One of the easiest ways to train your voice is to simply sing out loud. You don't have to sing for someone else or have a musical ear. This will allow you, through time and repetition, to have better control over the sounds that come out of your mouth.
Use a soft, fairly low tone when speaking. This is not to say that you should try to make your voice lower than it is, it just means that you should imagine a bigger space in the back of your mouth and throat and try to fill in that extra space. Don't speak with your nose or force your words through a tiny opening in your throat. Using a clear, full sound will give you a more cultured tone and make your voice much more pleasant to listen to.
Give yourself plenty of volume. There's no need to shout when you talk, but don't talk too quietly either. Don't muffle your voice. This will only make what you say more difficult to understand, and it may also give the impression that you don't really trust yourself.
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4
Use acceptable terms. Just because people understand your words doesn't necessarily mean they understand the message you want to convey to them. Anyone who has ever had a fight with a loved one or lover over communication issues knows that there are good and bad ways to say what you have to say, but using some psycholinguistic tricks, you will be able to express what is on your heart without angering your listener or making him feel threatened, even, you will succeed in making him have affection for you.
The use of the "I" puts the full weight of responsibility on your shoulders. During an argument, phrase your sentence like this instead to avoid blaming the other person for making you feel or act a certain way: “When you (said, did, etc.) this, I felt...” This may sound silly in writing, but actually works really well in a real argument, because it avoids shifting blame to the other person.
For example, instead of saying, "What you said made me mad," say, "When you said that, I felt mad." You can then adapt this spin to just about any type of disagreement: "I felt that you...", "I feel (emotion) when you..." And so on.
The use of “we” makes it possible to give the other person a feeling of being part of what is said, to include them in the words, and even to make them feel essential in those words. When talking about opportunities, events, or teamwork, using the pronoun "we" helps reinforce the loyalty of your peers to you as well as giving the impression of loyalty to those above you in the social scale. For example, instead of asking someone "Do you want to hang out with me this weekend?" instead, say, “We should spend some time together this weekend!” ". This puts the other person on an equal footing vis-à-vis you and gives them a kind of power over the proposal made to them.
Empowering people is a surefire way to receive power back, as people will be much more likely to put in the effort for you when it comes time to return the favor, as they will have positive memories of their past interactions. with you.
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5
Make your rhythm match that of the people around you. Street hypnotists as well as those you can see on stage use this technique which is very powerful and which has spectacular effects on the hypnotized person at the moment when they seem to "charm" the person into changing their mind or trying a can bend the rules. In theory, this method does not rely on much, but in practice, it requires a lot of training before being able to master it correctly.
Start with a short introduction to start the conversation and ask your listener some basic questions to get them talking. When using your active listening skills, pay attention to details such as the person's accent, verbal mannerisms (like "yes" or "um" for example) and also the way the person speaks.
When you answer and keep asking questions about what you want, talk more, but match your way of speaking with the other person's (mirror their way of speaking, verbal mannerisms, etc.). You can also try to mimic his accent a bit, but don't make a crude caricature of it. Talking the same way will help put her at ease and make her feel like she can trust you because you're somehow like her.
As soon as you notice something about his body language, copy it. Does he shift his weight from one foot to the other? Is she tapping with her finger on her desk while waiting for her computer to start or all her fingers? You can copy these little things to create an even stronger place of sympathy between the two of you.
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6
Demonstrate your good character. The main traits of your personality that you should try to show to others are: your ability to support people in difficult times, your kindness, your enthusiasm, your boldness and your reliability. This is one of the traits that people look for in any other person, the traits that make the person want to listen to you and trust you. It's hard to pretend to have these traits if you don't really have them, because they require sincerity and personal dedication. However, if you focus on them, you can begin to practice showing them more often than usual and in a more relaxed way.
Affirm yourself every day. It may sound silly, but assertiveness works! Just think of positive personality traits you want to embody and say them out loud to yourself a few times. Repeat to yourself that you are a person who possesses these character traits: “I am a nice person”, “I am an enthusiastic person” and so on.
Be on the lookout for opportunities to demonstrate your best personal qualities. Very often, because of a situation that makes us feel uncomfortable, we tend to replace our most daring choices with choices that will make us less noticeable. Fight this by remembering to keep your eyes peeled for the times when you are about to act dismissively or rudely. When you realize you're about to be that unhappy, jaded person, force yourself to be the person people want to be with. Even if it doesn't change the situation, it's still a great way to train your mind. And in the end, you will succeed in internalizing all that.
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