How to have good eye contact
In this article: Practice in conversations Exercise at home To make a good impression Related articles References
Making good eye contact is surprisingly difficult, and we could all learn to be a little better at communicating on important dates. If you want to listen better, be a better speaker, and cultivate a more believable presence, you can practice making good eye contact to make an impression when alone or in conversation.
Method
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Practice in conversations
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Try to relax as much as possible. As with everything, the more you think about what you're doing, the more self-aware you'll be and the worse you'll feel. Your nervousness can be misinterpreted as dishonesty and you will lose ground in the progress you have made.
Generally, the more bossy and intimidating the person you are talking to, the harder it is to make eye contact. Unfortunately, this is also usually the time when you need to show respect and listen well, which makes relaxing that much more important.
If you're going to an important conference or interview, do some breathing exercises to slow your heart rate and let the oxygen relax you. A few deep breaths can calm you down.
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Focus on one eye. In reality, it's physically difficult to lock your eyes on someone else's. It is more common to stare at one or another part of the face rather than trying to look at both eyes at the same time.
Try switching from one eye to the other and vice versa rather than focusing on just one. Stay focused on one eye for about 10 seconds, then switch sides.
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Find a place to fix your gaze. Looking at the bridge of a nose, an eyebrow, or just below the eye will give the illusion of eye contact without the intimidation that comes with it. The other person won't be able to tell the difference and you can focus on your listening skills.
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Look down to nod or use other gestures when listening. You need to look down once in a while, and it's helpful to make another move at that time rather than just looking away because you're feeling uncomfortable. Cut eye contact when you laugh, nod or smile. It gives the impression that you are natural and comfortable while giving you a break.
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Try to keep your eyes focused when speaking, but also when listening. It's one thing to look when you're listening, but it's much harder to maintain eye contact when you're thinking about what to say. Don't be afraid to look away from time to time, but try to keep your face and eyes turned towards the person you're speaking with.
Looking up when speaking is sometimes thought to suggest you are lying, while looking down means confusion. For this reason, it's usually best to look straight ahead, even if you feel uncomfortable, and to maintain eye contact. Look at the ear, the chin or whatever else on the face of your interlocutor.
Method
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Exercise at home
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Do practice sessions to remember to make eye contact. Doing it depends greatly on remembering that you have to do it. If you have a tendency to stare at your shoes, try practicing alone to correct your natural tendency to look down by focusing your eyes on faces. You can do this while watching TV, facing a mirror, or any number of other ways.
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Practice on TV. One of the most practical ways to practice is to do it when you are alone and watching television. Focus on making eye contact with people on screen to carry it over to your real-life conversations.
It will obviously be very different from doing it with real people. The purpose of the exercise is to practice, not to approximate the feeling you will experience.
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Try watching videos on blogs. If you don't have a TV, look for YouTube channels and videos where people make eye contact with the screen. It will be much more realistic. These videos are accessible and free and are the closest thing to real conversations.
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Try video chatting. If you have a close friend you like to chat with, try Skype or another type of video chat to practice. It's usually easier than in person, because you have a screen separating you.
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Practice looking yourself in the eye in a mirror. It won't be the same as doing it with another person, but you can get into the habit of staring at the eyes the mirror reflects instead of avoiding them. Doing this a few minutes before or after showering will help you face your own gaze [1] .
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Learn to fake eye contact. Some people, especially those who are anxious, shy, and autistic, have great difficulty making eye contact, there are ways to fake it.
Look at the top of the person's nose, between the eyes, try it with a friend and ask their opinion, they will tell you that they felt like you were looking into their eyes.
If your interlocutor is surprised that you are not looking him in the eye, tell him clearly that it is difficult for you because of anxiety. You can also respond that you listen more carefully when you're not looking people in the eye.
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Take your time. You don't have to go from awkward eye contact to laser gaze in a snap of your fingers. In fact, making eye contact is more or less disconcerting. You probably already do this, but if it's something you want to work on, take it easy.
If you go the extra mile to fix your gaze during a conversation each day, you can say you've succeeded. You don't have to constantly make eye contact during a very long conversation to see the progress you've made [2] .
Method
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To make a good impression
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Work on your listening skills. During the conversation, if you focus totally on what the other person is saying, you can worry less about making eye contact properly. Nodding, repeating important information, using open body language and appealing to listening skills are as important in a conversation, sometimes more so than eye contact. To actively listen, it is important to:
to sit at the front of your chair;
to nod;
listen carefully and repeat important information;
to understand what is being said;
not just waiting for your turn to speak;
respond appropriately to what you are told.
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Find the middle ground. When you listen, you need to make eye contact 80% of the time. The rest of the time should consist of a few short pauses and nods to show you are listening. Stay calm, don't think about it too much to stay natural as much as possible.
Avoid staring. Eye contact is good, but a blank stare or a stare at laser beams is just scary. Remember that you are hoping to have a pleasant conversation with someone and there is no reason to be anxious or worried.
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Practice visual magnetism. Try not to look away as soon as something else catches your eye. If someone calls you, don't look away as if you were being saved from a boring conversation. Instead, hesitate slightly before looking at the one that calls out to you.
Looking away and then coming back quickly is also a good idea. However, remember that important interruptions, such as those indicating danger or priorities, should hold your attention.
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Smile with your eyes. Relax your eyebrows, otherwise your eye contact will be suspicious or intimidating, even if you try to apply yourself. Try to keep your eyes open as much as possible, avoid squinting, which might suggest you don't like what the other person is saying, or frowning, which might indicate anger.
Stand in front of a mirror and watch your eyes when you smile, frown or grimace. Do you see the difference ? Practice keeping your eyes like you're smiling, even if you're not.
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Always maintain eye contact during professional interviews. Eye contact and good listening skills are especially important when having a job interview, but also anytime you want to show care and respect. Potential employers might think you're hiding something or that you're not confident if you're having trouble making eye contact, which could hurt your chances.
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Keep eye contact on dates. Doing this shows your interest and respect, two things you need to be sure to establish on a date. When you're dating someone you're interested in, try to do it as much as possible. The eyes are the windows to the soul.
This is also a good way to gauge your partner's interest in you, but don't jump to conclusions too quickly. If you see that he's having trouble keeping in touch, it could be because he's eager to get home or because he's just as nervous as you are.
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Make eye contact when you want to prove something. When you're arguing or having a heated argument, looking away is tempting. It shows a lack of confidence or that you want to avoid your interlocutor, something you want to avoid. If you disagree, blocking your gaze with a gesture of affirmation will help you show your confidence in the truth of what you're saying [3] .
If someone tries to intimidate you, they want you to look away. Frustrate him by refusing to do so. Fix it back.
Advice
You can practice by imagining the person's face when you're on the phone or chatting online.
If you can't maintain eye contact because you're bored, wait for a pause in the conversation and then change the subject.
Short but steady eye contact is less likely to be considered disrespectful.
Use a polite excuse to back out of a conversation: “Oh, I didn't see the time! I'm sorry, I have to go on a date. It was nice talking with you. »
Imagine that you are someone who already makes confident eye contact. Imagine the importance for this person of the fact that his interlocutor does the same with him.
Warnings
If you're looking at the bridge of a person's nose, make sure that's the only place you're looking at. Don't scrutinize his face. You'll look like you're looking at her blemishes, pimples, blackheads, burns and other skin issues.
Just look the person in the eye, do n't stare ! Staring intently at someone will make you look fake, or even worse, a stalker! And don't forget to have insurance!
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