How to gently get rid of a clingy friend
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Spending time with your friends can be great fun, but everyone has limits on how much time they can spend with someone else. Sometimes a friend may ask a little too much of your attention and your time, which can lead to serious problems in your relationship. However, before deciding to end your friendship, you should think about the seriousness of the problem and then identify the measures to be taken. You can also try some strategies to give yourself more space and set clear boundaries with your friend.
Part
1
Focus on own needs
1
Assess the severity of the problem. Before you go looking for a little chat with your friend or worry too much about this situation, it would be good to take the time to evaluate your relationships. Does your friend only get clingy occasionally, or does he constantly try to demand your full attention? If you can determine the recurrence and severity of the problem, it could help you decide what to do next [1] .
Your friend may have been under a lot of stress lately and just needs a little more attention. If so, the problem should resolve itself.
On the other hand, if your friend constantly demands your attention, you should try to set limits.
2
Avoid giving excuses. Using excuses can work, at least in the short term. In the long run, however, it can become exhausting and it sets up false boundaries. Whenever you can, try not to use fake excuses to avoid hanging out with your friend. If you don't want to visit him, you'll have to be more direct and tell him. Being direct can help him better understand your needs and that way the boundaries are more clearly established than if you had come up with an excuse [2] .
For example, don't say I have a doctor's appointment to buy you some free time.
Chances are, you'll end up getting tired of making excuses. Being direct is a more effective tactic.
3
Assess the situation. If your friend is getting really clingy, there's nothing wrong with you trying to focus on your own needs. A good friendship should be two-way and based on give and take, which will lead to stronger bonds. If your friend takes more than he gives, you have every right to let him know and let him know your feelings and needs .
Don't be afraid to tell your friend that you feel like they're asking too much of you.
A good friend will listen to you and give you that space and time you need.
Your well-being is very important. Don't neglect your own needs for those of your friend.
4
Try not to feel guilty. Thinking about your own needs instead of your friend's could make you feel guilty or selfish. It's not, because it's completely normal to assess the nature of your friendship and see what's wrong with it. Realizing that it's okay to think about your needs in a relationship can help you avoid this feeling of guilt.
It is important to remember that your own needs are also very important.
Remembering that good friendships should make both people involved happy and feel cared for should help.
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5
Think about what you want to do. You might feel like your relationship can be saved, but you might also realize that you don't think it can go on. Depending on how dependent your friend is, you will have to choose between ending the relationship or saving it.
Think about the steps you have already taken to improve the situation. Have you ever told your friend about your need for more space? Have you tried to apply other strategies to put distance between you two? If so, what was the result? Did it work for a while or was it a complete failure?
Determine how you feel about the relationship. If it's an exhausting and stressful friendship, you're probably better off ending it.
Ask yourself if it would be enough for you to see your friend once a week or twice a month or if you really need to cut ties with him entirely.
Part
2
Get space
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1
Introduce your friend to new people. Your friend may think you are his only friend. If so, it's no wonder he wants to spend a lot of time with you. Introducing him to a few new people might help him connect with others and give you a little more space. This can be a great way to allow the two of you to enjoy each other's company while having a good time together [4] [5] .
You can try going out with more people to get your friend to meet other people.
Ask other friends to try hanging out with that clingy friend.
If you tell your friend that you're busy and that's why you can't go out, suggest that they see other people you both know.
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2
Make programs that really work for you. Don't feel obligated to meet your friend if you don't feel like it. Whenever you make plans, make sure you can enjoy them and have enough time to participate. Always make sure that each meeting with your friend is beneficial for both of you.
Don't feel like you have to meet at a time or place you don't like. If you don't want to see your friend, you could tell him I don't like it. Can we schedule this for another time?
You also need to set some fundamental boundaries. For example, you can meet your friend once a month for a movie night. To set this limit, you could say I like watching movies with you, but I really don't have the money and time to watch more than one movie a month. Let's make the first Friday of the month our movie night .
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3
Tell your friend which days work for you. If your friend keeps calling or texting you, you may want to tell them which specific days or times they can contact you. You might be busy at work or elsewhere at certain times or you might just not want to see your friend on certain days of the week.
Try letting your friend know when you have free time. For example, you might say I'm really busy on Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Sunday, so I might not be willing to talk on those days. However, you can call me on Tuesday or Thursday evening after 5 p.m. or all day Saturday .
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4
Encourage your friend to get help. Sometimes it will turn out that your friend is clingy because he has a problem he can't deal with on his own. For example, he may have health issues, difficulties at home, or something else he can't handle on his own. Spending a lot of time with you may be the only way for him to escape from these problems [6] .
Try talking to your friend to see if you can figure out if he has a problem that causes him to be so clingy. For example, you could tell him I've noticed that you're spending a lot more time with me. Everything is fine ?
If your friend confides in you that he's having trouble, you might encourage him to see a counselor. For example, you could say This sounds really, really hard. I think it would be a good idea for you to talk to someone who can really help you .
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5
Confront your friend. If your friend isn't responding to your quiet maneuvers or other hints that you want some alone time, it may be time to confront them. Try to meet him somewhere where you can have a calm chat and let him know exactly how you feel and what you need from him .
You don't have to be aggressive or mean to your friend. Just be honest and direct with him.
You can use a friendly and understanding tone to discuss this with your friend. Try to express your needs and feelings while showing empathy for your friend.
Try using "I" phrases when talking and explaining how you feel instead of saying what you think about your friend's clingy behavior.
You might say I really enjoy your company, but I also need time for myself. So I think we will have to see each other less for a while .
Part
3
get rid of friend
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1
Assess your space requirement. To give yourself some space, you must first seek to set clear boundaries. Setting these boundaries may offend your friend, but the important thing is that it will help you respect yourself. To set boundaries, you must first identify your own space requirements [8] .
Determine how long it takes you to be happy. How often does your friend interfere with this lonely time?
Determine how you would like your friend's behavior to change. What kind of things would you like him to stop doing or at least do less of? Do you want him to stop dropping by, calling you or texting you?
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2
Be clear about the boundaries you set. You may need to set clear boundaries to let your friend know what you can and cannot accept. This will help both of you express how you feel about the relationship and whether it can continue. Be kind, understanding, and honest when setting boundaries [9] [10] .
If your friend is coming to your events, you could tell them I love doing things with you, but I have other plans for tonight. We can see each other another day .
If your friend is texting or calling you late at night or at other inconvenient times, then you need to explain to him what you would prefer him to do. You could tell him I love it when we talk together, but it's hard for me to give you my full attention when I'm on duty. Can you call me later, around 5:30 p.m. when I'm done?
If your friend reacts by bombarding you with more messages or gets angry when you don't reply, then you might say I love getting your messages, but I can't always respond to them right away. Can you try not to send me more than one message when you haven't received a response yet?
To get your friend to respect your privacy when you're home or doing something away from them, you could say I can't wait to see you, but you can't always come over unannounced. Can you take the precaution of calling or texting before you come to see me, just to make sure I'm free?
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3
Be straightforward. This conversation you will have with your friend will likely be difficult. You may be tempted to make concessions or speak in a way that doesn't allow you to accurately state your needs or feelings. You should always speak directly and clearly when trying to tell your friend that you need more person space.
Don't change your mind during the conversation.
Avoid looking confused. Saying something like, I love hanging out with you, but maybe, I'm not sure. Maybe see each other once in a while. I mean, when you want, it's okay to be confused and insecure. Your message will not get through.
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4
Stand firm. Your friend might keep trying to enter your personal space or go beyond the boundaries you have set. He might use guilt or other tactics to get you to change your mind and give him more attention. It 's important that you stay strong and enforce your rules .
Giving in and breaking the rules you have set yourself will send the message that your friend can always do whatever they want.
Although it can be difficult, keeping your period is the only way to fix this kind of problem.
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5
End the relationship if necessary. If your friend continues to ignore your requests for time off or didn't appreciate your requests from the start, you may need to end your friendship. Although painful, ending a relationship with someone who ignores your well-being may in the long run be the best decision for both of you [12] .
Friends who don't agree to give up time, especially after the subject has been brought up with them, probably don't respect you.
Your friend probably cares more about his own needs than yours. This is not a good friendship.
Don't let guilt or feeling like you owe your friend keep you in a bad friendship. If your friend doesn't respect your needs, it's okay to cut ties with them.
Advice
Focus on your needs. If your friend is too clingy, don't be afraid to give yourself space.
Try to reduce the attention you give him.
Encourage your friend to hang out with other people.
Do not disclose your plans.
Try talking directly with your friend if they are causing a serious problem.
If your friend doesn't respect your desires for time for yourself, you may need to end your friendship.
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