How to Emotionally Support Someone
References
In this article: Listen carefully to each other Validate your listener's emotions Provide support to another Related articles References
You may have a natural inclination to help people who are going through a difficult time. However, if you're not careful, you could end up saying or doing something that could hurt the other person. With this in mind, it is beneficial to learn effective techniques to use when providing emotional support to others.
Part
1
Listen carefully to each other
1
Go to a private area. It is important to make sure that the person who needs your help is sure that you will keep their problem confidential. An empty room is the best option, if of course it is available. However, an empty corner is sufficient if no coins are available. Be sure to speak in a low voice, especially if you are in an area where other people might pass and hear you.
Avoid being distracted as much as possible. Try to find a quiet place where you won't be distracted by television, radio, or other electronic devices. Also, be sure to avoid giving others the impression that you're texting or looking in your wallet when they're talking.
An alternative. Instead of sitting in a private place, you could go for a walk and chat. [1] . Instead of sitting down, you can take a short walk while chatting. This sometimes allows the person to feel more comfortable when discussing their issues.
You could also have this conversation over the phone, but it's important that you have this conversation at a time when you won't be distracted.
2
Ask questions. You can ask the question what happened or ask the person how they are feeling. The key here is to assure the person that you are there to listen. It's important that she feels that you are genuinely interested in what she has to say and genuinely want to support her.
Ask open-ended questions to help guide the conversation and make the discussion more exciting. You can gain insight into what your listener is thinking by asking the right questions [2] .
Your questions should begin with the words “how” and “why” and should prompt discussion, not short answers.
Here are some examples of open-ended questions. What happened ? What will you do next? What did you feel?
3
Listen to the person's response. Watch her as she talks to you and give her your full attention. Having your full attention will help her feel more important.
Eye contact is important so the person knows you are listening. However, be sure not to make excessive eye contact. Be careful not to end up staring at yourself.
Use open body language and other nonverbal cues to show you're listening [3] . Try to nod occasionally and smile when the time is right. Also, be careful not to cross your arms, as this reflects a defensive attitude and your interlocutor may not like this posture.
4
Rephrase what the person is saying. Showing empathy is the key to helping someone feel supported. To show a little more empathy, it's important that you clearly understand the message the person is trying to convey. She will also feel more supported and better understood.
Don't repeat the same sentences to her that she robotically said. In other words, repeat what he said to have a more conversational approach. Just make sure that when you rephrase what the person says, you do it using their words [4] . For example, you can say phrases like, "It sounds like you're saying..." or "If I understand..." or similar phrases. This helps the person know that you are really listening.
Do not interrupt the person while they are talking. Instead, show her support by giving her the opportunity to express her thoughts and feelings without interruption. Respond only when there is a natural silence in the conversation or when it becomes apparent that your listener is waiting for your response.
Now is not the time to judge or be critical. [5] . Listening and showing empathy doesn't mean you necessarily agree with what the person said. Rather, it shows that you care about her and what she's going through. Avoid saying things like "I warned you", "there's no need to make a fuss about it", "it's not worth it", "you're exaggerating" or other criticisms and mitigating comments. Your role is to simply show support and empathy.
Part
2
Validate your listener's emotions
1
Guess what the person is feeling [6] . Try to understand how the person is feeling as you speak. Some people go to great lengths to camouflage their emotions or even hide their feelings. This often happens when other people have criticized their sensitivity in the past. Still others may be confused about how they feel. For example, someone might confuse frustration with anger or joy with excitement. Helping the person identify what they are feeling is the first step in helping them validate their emotions.
Don't tell the person how they feel. Instead, make suggestions. You might say, "It sounds like you're very disappointed" or "You seem very upset. »
Observe the person's body language and facial expressions as they speak. Also, her tone might give you an idea of how she feels.
Keep in mind that if you're wrong, she'll correct you. Don't reject it. Accept that she is the only person who can accurately describe her feelings. Accepting his correction is also a way to validate his emotions.
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2
Do everything to understand the person. It involves putting aside your own impressions or biases about the situation. Be really present and pay attention to what she says. Your goal should not be to solve the problem or find solutions. Instead, try to find a safe place where the person will feel heard.
Avoid trying to give advice unless asked. Trying to do so could give the other person the impression that you are criticizing him.
Don't try to hold a speech by talking about the person's feelings. Keep in mind that she has every right to feel that way. Showing emotional support involves accepting that she has the right to feel her emotions, whatever they are.
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3
Reassure the person that their feelings are normal. It is important that the person feels that they can freely express their emotions. Now is not the time to be critical of her or the situation. Your job is to make her feel supported and understood. Simple, short sentences are best. Here are some example sentences you could use:
it does a lot of things at the same time;
I'm sorry this is happening;
it seems that it really hurt you;
I understand ;
that would also make me angry.
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4
Observe your own body language. Much of the conversation is done through gestures. This means that your body language is as important as your verbal language. Make sure your body language shows that you are caring and showing empathy, not criticism or rejection.
Nod, smile, and make eye contact as you listen. Research has shown that people who demonstrate these kinds of nonverbal behaviors are often rated among the most empathetic by observers [7] .
Smiling is especially useful because the human brain is programmed to recognize smiles. This will make her feel more supported, but it will comfort both of you [8] .
Part
3
Provide support to another
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1
Ask the person what they want to do. If the person thinks they need more emotional support, know that it is very likely that nothing is going right in their life. This is a great opportunity to help her explore the different steps she can take to restore her emotional balance.
The person might not have an immediate response and that's normal. Don't pressure him. She may need to be listened to and understood first.
Ask “what if” questions. This type of question will help the person to think about possible actions that they had not previously considered [9] . Making proposals in the form of questions is less risky and the person will not have the impression of being dictated to. This approach allows you to make suggestions to help them, without affecting their decision-making power.
Keep in mind that you are not solving the problem for the person. You are simply giving him support to help him find a solution.
For example, if your friend is having financial difficulties, you can say, "How about having a talk with your supervisor about a pay raise?" Maybe your niece is overwhelmed with the responsibilities of her job and home. You can say, "How about planning an all-out relaxing vacation with your family?" Any adequate “what if” question could be helpful.
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2
Identify the actions to be taken and describe how to do it. The person may not have all the answers at once, but it is important to help them take small steps to resolve the situation [10] . It's important to figure out the next step, even if it's just to convince the person to have another conversation with you the next day. People tend to feel more supported when they have reliable people to rely on to help them see the big picture.
Continue to help the person take action until the problem is resolved. Things might get better slowly, but she will appreciate your support.
When a person is grieving, there might not be anything specific to do. People react differently to grief and it can last up to a year or more. When supporting a bereaved person, it is important that you listen to the stories they want to share with you and that you accept their feelings without minimizing their loss. [11] .
Sometimes the action may be to accept help from a medical professional.
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3
Show your support in a tangible way. Sometimes it might be good to say things like "I'm here if you ever need me" or "Don't worry, it'll be fine" instead of actually trying to do something. However, it's very important that you show your support instead of just spouting nice words. After spending time listening to the person, you'll likely have ideas of specific things you can do to help them feel more supported. If you're having trouble doing this, here are some guidelines to help you [12] .
Instead of saying "everything will be fine," you could do something you can to help improve the situation. For example, you can help a sick friend find a good doctor or treatment options.
In addition to saying "I really like you," you could do something the person will like. It could be simply giving her a present, spending more time with her, or taking her to a special place to help her relax.
Instead of just saying "I'm here for you," you could take the person out to dinner or help them with tasks they need to complete as part of their action plan.
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4
Continue to follow your loved one. Everyone has their schedule and things can get hectic at times, but it's important that you find time to help your loved one. He probably received a lot of moral support, but that deeper level of support would be more appreciated. Keep in mind that small acts of kindness can go a long way in supporting [13] .
Advice
Do not minimize the situation the person is going through. It might not mean much to you, but if she's in emotional distress, know that the situation is pretty tough for her.
Avoid giving your opinion unless directly asked. There is a time and a place to give unsolicited advice, especially in dangerous situations. However, if the situation just requires you to show your emotional support, it's best to avoid giving your opinion unless asked.
Know that being supportive doesn't mean you're in tune with the person. If you think something is harmful, you don't have to consent to it to show emotional support.
When thinking about different solutions, using “what if” questions is a great way to suggest more appropriate solutions without seeming intrusive.
Remember that you are not making the decision for the person. Your role is to support her and assist her in making her own decisions.
Make sure to stay calm. Before trying to help someone, make sure you are emotionally healthy. It won't do anyone any good if you're desperate when trying to help.
Be sure to do exactly what you agreed to do to help. It's better to volunteer for things you're sure you'll do than risk disappointing the person by going back on what you said later.
Focus on the other. Be careful about talking about your personal experiences when trying to support others. While it's often effective to share your own experiences, in other circumstances it can have the opposite effect, especially if the person realizes you're trying to minimize their situation or feelings. It is therefore better to focus on his situation.
Intuition can help you when trying to understand the other person and show empathy [14] . It's fine to rely on your intuition when trying to make suggestions or guess how someone is feeling. However, if the person corrects you, accept that. Wholehearted acceptance is a big step in emotional support.
Warnings
If you need to support people in crisis, be sure to observe your surroundings carefully to ensure everyone is safe. If medical assistance is needed, make it a priority.
Research has proven that physical contact is good when trying to provide support [15] . However, it is very important that you limit physical contact unless you know the person perfectly. A hug might be fine if the person is a friend, but for a casual acquaintance, even this simple gesture can be upsetting. So be sure to limit physical contact and ask permission before hugging another person.
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