How to deal with being rejected
In this article: Managing the Immediate Consequences Dealing with long-term rejection Manage the rejection of a request Related articles References
Rejection, whether in love, at work, by your friends, for publishing a book or in any other field, is not something that should influence your happiness. Rejection is an unpleasant feeling and sometimes seems overwhelming, but you shouldn't let it take away your joy in life. The reality is that rejection is a part of life: there will be times when your job applications, your invitation to go out, or your ideas for change get rejected by someone, somewhere. You better accept that rejection as a part of life and recognize that the most important thing is to find a way to bounce back and try again.
Part
1
Managing the Immediate Consequences
1
Take a moment to grieve. You will feel upset because of this rejection, whether it's because your manuscript was refused, because one of your ideas was not accepted at work or because the person you are in love with rejected your proposal. Release. It's okay to be upset, in fact, you can give yourself some time to accept the rejection and grieve.
Take some time to stop what you're doing in order to accept the rejection. For example, if you can take the rest of the day, do it. Or if you were planning on going out tonight, stay home and watch a movie. Go for a walk after receiving an upset rejection letter or console yourself with a chocolate cake.
Be careful not to overdo it and spend days at home wallowing in your sadness. This attitude will only make you feel even worse.
2
Chat with a friend you trust. That doesn't mean you can take it out on your friend to push through that rejection. This attitude will give a bad image of you (to your potential publishing house, to the girl you like, to your boss...), they will think that you are a whiner who cannot manage the small problems of the life. So go see one or two friends or family members and discuss this rejection with them [1] .
The friend you need to look for is the friend who will tell you the truth. It can help you figure out what went wrong (if it did, sometimes you can't change it and you just have to accept it). He can also make sure that you don't sink deeper into your grieving period.
Avoid social media to vent your frustrations. The internet never forgets and when you try to find a new job, your potential employer might check the internet and see that you don't know how to handle rejections. Even if you're really upset or angry, don't expose it on the canvas.
Don't complain too much. Again, you don't want to wallow in your rejection, otherwise you'll put yourself in a smug (or depressed) state. Don't complain about your rejection every time you talk to someone. If you think you've talked about the subject too much already, ask your friends if you're repeating yourself too often about your rejection. If they answer yes, be careful not to bring up this subject so often.
3
Accept the rejection as soon as possible. If you can accept the rejection at first and move on, everything will become easier. It also means you won't let future rejections get you down.
For example, if you don't land your dream job, give yourself some time to be upset and then move on. It's a good time to look for something else or to consider what might change in the future. You should keep in mind that when one thing doesn't work, something else is bound to work, most of the time in ways you didn't even think of.
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4
Don't take this rejection personally. Remember that rejection is not a characteristic of who you are. Rejection is part of life and it is not a personal attack. For whatever reason, the publisher, your friend or your boss was not interested in your offer.
The rejection itself is not your fault. The other person rejected something that didn't suit them. It was your request that they rejected, not you .
Remember they can't reject you as a person because they don't know you. Even if you've dated someone several times, it doesn't mean that they know everything there is to know about you to be able to reject you as a person. They simply reject a situation that does not suit them. Respect their choice.
For example, you asked a girl you really like out and she said no . Does that mean you're worthless? That no one else will ever want to date you? Of course not. Quite simply, she is not interested in your proposal (for whatever reason, she may already have a partner, she may not want to date, etc.).
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5
Do something else. You need to stop thinking about this rejection after you have spent enough time grieving. Don't go back to working on the rejection right away, because you're still a little upset. You need some time and space for this.
For example, say you sent the manuscript of a novel you wrote to a publishing house and it was rejected. After a short period of mourning, try writing another story or take some time to experiment with another literary genre (try poetry, short stories, etc.).
You could also forget about this rejection by having fun to help you focus on something else. Go dancing, buy a new book you wanted to read, take your weekend and go to the sea with a friend.
You can't let this rejection put a painful damper on your life, because you're going to encounter many rejections in your life (just like everyone else). By moving on with a friend and doing something else, you're not letting that rejection ruin your life.
Part
2
Dealing with long-term rejection
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1
Reframe rejection. Remember rejection is not because of who you are, now is the time to reframe the rejection and change it into something else. People who talk about their rejection tend to accept rejection less well than people who accept rejection as rejection from a specific situation, not from a person [2] .
For example, if you ask someone out and they say no, instead of thinking they rejected me , think they said no . This way, you don't see the rejection as something negative about you (after all, it's not you who's being rejected, it's the proposal you made).
Here are some other examples of rejection "reframing": tell yourself that this friendship grew and broke us up (instead of telling you that your friend rejected you), I didn't get this job (instead of you say they rejected your application), we had different priorities (instead of telling you they rejected you).
One of the best phrases to use is it didn't work out , because that doesn't make you or the person who rejected you guilty of the refusal.
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2
Know how to give up. When something doesn't work, it doesn't necessarily mean you have to give up, but it's important to know when to give up and try something else. Often, not giving up simply means trying to do the same thing, but in another, more general way [3] .
For example, if you asked a girl out and she refused, not giving up means not giving up on the idea of finding love. Move on (don't pester her thinking you have a chance), but keep asking other girls out.
One more example: if a publisher has rejected your manuscript, take some time to stop and think about the things that led to that rejection, while continuing to try with other publishers.
Never forget that an affirmative answer is never guaranteed to you. Since rejection shouldn't validate your existence, don't use it to blame someone else.
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3
Don't let this rejection control your future. As already mentioned, rejection is part of life. You will be sad trying to avoid it or crying over yourself. You have to be able to accept that things don't always turn out the way you want and that's completely normal! Just because one thing didn't work doesn't mean you have to think your life is a failure or that nothing else is ever going to work out.
Each situation is unique. Even if a guy hasn't agreed to go out with you, that doesn't mean that all the guys you're interested in aren't going to want to go out with you. Now, if you start thinking that you're always going to be rejected, that's what will happen! This is the ideal method to insure yourself against future failures.
Look forward all the time. By complaining about your rejections, you will focus on the past and not enjoy the present. For example, if you can't stop thinking about how many times you haven't been accepted for a job, you're going to have a much harder time sending out resumes and trying out different options.
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4
Use it to improve yourself. Sometimes a rejection can be a big wake-up call and can help you improve your life. The publishing house may have rejected your manuscript because you still need to work on your style (it's not possible to publish it now, but that doesn't mean you can never publish it [4 ] ).
If possible, ask the person who rejected you to give you more information about why they rejected you. For example, your resume might not be correct, so instead of getting upset and telling yourself that no one is ever going to hire you, you can ask the person who read your resume what you would have to do there. to improve. You may not receive a response, but if you do, you'll have an interesting insight into your work to draw upon in your next job application.
In the case of a relationship, you can ask the person in question why they don't want to go out with you, but the answer can be very simple, like I don't think of you that way . There's nothing you can do to make her change her mind, so the lesson you can learn from this is to handle this rejection appropriately and stay positive, because another relationship might be possible (even if it's is not with this person).
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5
Stop complaining. It's time to let go of that rejection. You've already given yourself enough time to grieve, you've talked about it with a trusted friend, you've learned the lessons you need, now you can leave it in the past. The more you dwell on the subject, the more you will make something big out of it and make your life feel like a series of failures.
If you find that you can't move on, you need to see a professional. Sometimes certain thought patterns ( I'm a good-for-nothing , etc.) settle in your mind and each rejection only entrenches them deeper. A professional can help you get past that.
Part
3
Manage the rejection of a request
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1
Remember that you have the right to say no . It can be difficult for some people, especially women, but you don't have to say yes to something you don't want to do. There are of course exceptions: when the stewardess asks you to sit down, you must sit down.
If someone asks you out and you don't want to date that person, you can tell them directly that you're not interested.
If a friend of yours really wants to go on a trip and you don't want to or can't afford it, it's not the end of the world if you say no .
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2
Be frank. One of the best ways to reject an offer is to be as candid as possible. Don't be evasive or beat around the bush. Being candid doesn't mean being mean, although some people will take it that way. There's no way to turn down an invitation (or anything else, a release, a manuscript, a job) without causing a little pain.
For example, someone asks you out and you are not interested. Tell him: I'm really flattered, but I don't have that kind of feelings for you . If he still doesn't understand, tell him more firmly that you're not and never will be interested and that his nagging you about it makes you even less eager to date him.
Using one of the examples above, when your friend offers you to go on a trip, say thank you for this proposal! I really can't afford to go on vacation right now, even for a weekend. Maybe next time . This way, you don't deprive yourself of future opportunities to go on vacation while telling your friend frankly what's going on, without going through maybes or the like.
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3
Give the exact reasons for the refusal. Although you don't owe anyone an explanation, you might help the person who asked you to understand why you're not interested. If there are areas for improvement (especially for things like a manuscript or resume), you might mention areas where improvement would be welcome.
In the case of a relationship, just tell him that you are not interested and that you don't feel anything for this person. If he asks you for more explanations, tell him that you can't control who you are attracted to or like and that he has to accept your decision.
If you reject a writer's poems for your magazine (and if you have the time), explain to him why this poem did not interest you (because of its structure, the commonplaces discussed, etc.). Don't tell him that his poem was horrible, but you can tell him that he would have to work on it a little more before he could publish it.
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4
Act quickly. By doing the rejection as quickly as possible, you don't let emotions build up and fester. It's like tearing off a bandage. As soon as possible, you must explain to him that his offer (a trip, an outing, a manuscript, etc.) does not interest you.
The faster the rejection happens, the sooner the person in question can move on and use that experience to improve.
Advice
Find a way to relax after rejection. Some people turn to religion, others take a hot bath or do meditation. Find a way to clear your head, get rid of your negative feelings, and find your balance.
If your crush rejected you, that doesn't mean you have to feel bad or have a bad opinion of yourself. It just means she didn't feel the same attraction and you can't change that.
Just because someone answered no to a request where you expected a yes doesn't mean they don't see the good in you, so instead of focusing on their no, focus on your qualities.
Most successes and acceptances take a lot of hard work. Sometimes we don't want to recognize that we still have to work to be as good as we want to be. Keep your enthusiasm, you still have a good chance of succeeding, but stay realistic, you still have a lot to learn and a lot of experience to gain. Put in the work of understanding what you need instead of constantly complaining about your refusal.
Seek professional help if you can't get out of depression after rejection. Don't turn to alcohol or drugs, even if it seems to help you in the short term. In the long run, it could destroy your life.
Warnings
If you find it hard not to take rejection personally, consider discussing it with a counselor or therapist. If you suffer from depression, anxiety or other psychological problems, you may not have the strength to withstand this kind of pressure and you will need help. You shouldn't be ashamed of it, everyone needs compassion and help at one time or another.
People aren't always going to respond to you when you ask them for advice. That's life, sometimes they're too busy, sometimes they don't know how to explain without it sounding like a personal critique. Sometimes they just don't want to bother. Again, don't take it personally. Try to find someone you trust who can give you their time so you can move on and try to figure out what improvements you need.
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