How to Apologize to a Girl
In this article: Prepare psychologically Make a verbal apology Apologize other than verbally Related articles References
All relationships, even the strongest, have their share of problems and arguments. Research in gender communication has shown that men often have a strong fear of having to apologize, even when they admit that they have been wrong [1] . In most cases, an apology is a way to get the conversation going after an argument. Apologizing demonstrates that you are willing to be vulnerable with your partner. While you might have to swallow your pride at first, a sincere and well-presented apology can save you from lingering resentment and allow you to get closer to your partner.
Method
1
Prepare psychologically
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Know that apologizing is a way to move on. Whatever your reason for asking for forgiveness, remember that the goal is to make peace with the girl and improve your relationship with her [2] . In itself, an apology is an emotional concession that can bring great rewards, if done correctly.
Various studies have shown that men have a much harder time apologizing than women. If you're one of those people who find it difficult to ask for forgiveness, consider this act as a purely practical maneuver (at least at first). This will help you take the first step.
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Take time to calm down [3] . If you have to apologize to a girl, you're probably hurting too. If you're not feeling well at the moment, start by taking time to recover from the argument. Depending on the severity of the situation, you may need a few minutes, a few hours or even several days.
However, don't put off apologizing too long. Silence for too long will be interpreted as a refusal to apologize and the girl will think that you are not sorry and want nothing more to do with her. Again, what will be considered “too long” will depend on the seriousness of the situation and the strength of the relationship [4] .
3
Understand why she is upset. Apologizing that is insincere or without knowing why can make the situation worse than if you didn't say anything at all. If you rush in and apologize too quickly, the woman will sense that you are insincere. Before asking for forgiveness, it is important that you take the time to reflect. Why is she upset? Is his mood affected by other factors? Is the problem really serious [5] ?
Put yourself in this woman's shoes. You'll need to consider how she feels, as well as how she may have interpreted your actions. If you're apologizing for a particular event, try going over the scene in your head. So whoever is responsible, you should better understand what is upsetting them.
Keep in mind that trying to figure out why she's upset is not like admitting you were wrong. Even if you don't think you've done anything wrong, in a healthy relationship you should seek to understand how your partner or friend is feeling. Even if you think she has no reason to be upset, it's important that you acknowledge that her pain is real .
4
Be sincere in your apologies. If the problem in question is serious enough, a woman will be on the lookout for the slightest sign of hypocrisy in your speech. The best way to make sure your apology gets the way you want it to is to mean what you say. If you think you'll have to grit your teeth when apologizing, it would be best to pause and think more about your apology or even just not ask for forgiveness [7] .
You might be very angry for the same reasons she was. You would then find it difficult to open up to her. If so, take more time to calm down and breathe.
Method
2
Make a verbal apology
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Wait for the right moment to apologize [8] . A good apology will be very much tied to when you present it. You wouldn't want someone coming to apologize to you while you're watching a movie or revising for an exam. You will need to be patient (within reason) and wait for the girl to be free and relatively relaxed.
Again, don't wait too long to apologize. If you wait too long, the girl might think you made a choice not to ask her forgiveness.
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Approach her solemnly. How you approach the girl to apologize in person will largely determine whether or not she forgives you. Approach her calmly. Don't get distracted by anything: you should be fully focused on your excuses. As you walk up to her, look her in the eye. Don't smile too much or look too relaxed. Your body language should tell him that you understand the seriousness of the situation.
The issue of approach will be easier if you apologize to him by text or phone. Understand, however, that your apology will be more effective if you present it in person.
If you don't have the opportunity to meet her easily, ask her to meet you somewhere. Your invitation should be simple and direct, but let her know that you want to see her to ask her forgiveness. If she's too angry right now, give her some time. Over time, she will come back to you and give you a chance to apologize.
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3
Tell him you're sorry. Before you say anything else, you'll want to let her know you're sorry right from the start. If you try to explain to her why you're sorry before she even knows you're apologizing to her, she might think you're trying to keep the argument going. Once you're with her, immediately tell her you're sorry. The explanations can wait until you have said the essential. And while being direct sounds very simple in theory, when emotions surface on both sides, it can be difficult to follow through. Don't get too worked up about it. If need be, remember that this is just one step in re-establishing your bond with this girl.
Your apologies don't have to be very elaborate. In fact, it's probably best if they're as simple as possible. No need to be poetic or calculating, just say "I'm sorry". The more complicated your words, the more likely they are to be misinterpreted.
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Express your empathy. Something as simple as "I'm sorry" will get you much further than you think, but it won't be enough for more serious events. Once you've opened up the conversation like this, you'll need to go into more detail about why you're sorry and what you understand about his feelings. If your words lead to a more balanced discussion and the blame was shared, you may have the opportunity to express some of your own feelings, but only after your apology has been accepted [9] .
For example, in broad strokes, you might say, "I'm sorry for what I did. I was very selfish and seeing how much it affected you, I realized how unfair I was. I know I can't change what happened, but I want you to know that if I could go back, I wouldn't do this. »
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Give him a chance to respond. Small arguments are probably not worth discussing over and over again, but more serious issues will result in a response to your request for forgiveness. Once you've said what you had to say, it'll be her turn to tell you how she feels. Look her in the eye, stay calm, and listen carefully to what she is telling you. Even if her words upset you, try to understand her: she could still be upset about what happened, and that could explain why she responds to you in an unpleasant way [10] .
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Hug her in your arms [11] . Verbal apologies will generally be more effective if accompanied by a physical sign of affection. Whatever relationship you have with this girl, hugging her will almost always be appropriate. By sharing a hug at the end of your apology, you will physically express how you feel. By accepting this hug, she will indicate that she accepts your apology.
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7
Do what is necessary to avoid further incidents. If you don't take them seriously, your apologies will be mere words. If you're apologizing for something you've done, do your best not to behave like that again in the future. Doing the right thing to fix the problem has two benefits: first, it will prevent the situation from happening again, and second, the girl will see that your apology isn't just empty talk. If you make a habit of repeating behavior for which you have apologized, you will have a hard time getting your apology accepted in the future [12] .
For example, if you apologize for constantly being late, set your alarm clock 10 minutes earlier than usual. This way you will avoid being late in the future. Telling the girl about the action you took will prove to her that your apology was sincere [13] .
Method
3
Apologize other than verbally
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Write him a letter of apology. Writing a letter is the best way to apologize other than face to face. The length and tone of the letter will largely depend on the seriousness of what happened. Having forgotten a birthday is a very different subject from infidelity or excessive violence, for example. The important thing is that you write from your heart. Don't worry about epistolary propriety: Write how you feel and tell that girl you're sorry in the first two sentences of the letter.
Including a heart at the bottom of the letter will show the warmth of your words and might be appropriate if you are romantically involved with this girl.
It is important that you write this letter by hand. An apology letter will be of no effect if it does not contain personal touch and vulnerability. It's much easier to hide your emotions behind a computer. However, for a minor issue, a short email or instant message might suffice.
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Make amends with positive actions. If you did something that hurt this girl, you can make up for your past mistakes by doing something that will make her happy [14] . How you make it up will largely depend on the relationship you have with her. If you have any idea what this girl likes, you should be able to find a way to make amends. If you don't have a precise idea, know that few women hate massages or a good dinner prepared especially for them. No need to find something very complicated: a simple gesture can say a lot about how you feel.
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Make a donation in his name [15] . Making a donation in her name could be a good way to convince this woman to forgive you. If this solution is only suitable for problems that are neither very serious nor very personal, your excuses could weigh more heavily if you associate a few euros with it. Of course, giving your friend money would be a rude gesture. For this, making a donation in his name to a charity organization will be a good way to prove your good intentions.
A donation, however small, should be accompanied by an explanation. Explain to this girl that you are giving this gift so that your apology contributes to a better world. The argument you had will have a positive impact. Good deeds move the world forward and it is hard to say otherwise.
Advice
In the end, the simple words "I'm sorry" will be the most effective when apologizing. Very often, it will not take more, as long as these words are said with sincerity [16] .
While this article is divided between verbal apologies and non-verbal apologies, often the most effective will be to combine the two approaches. Especially in a romantic relationship, words won't be as powerful if they aren't backed up by actions and vice versa.
If you cheated on this girl, the path will not be easy. Make sure everything is perfect, just the way she wants it, then apologize sincerely. Put yourself in his shoes and try to feel the pain you inflicted on him.
Warnings
You can never be sure that your apology will be accepted. If for some reason they get rejected, it could be because you didn't give your friend time to calm down. In the worst case, your ties with her could be permanently severed. If this happens, do your best to get over the loss of that person and try to learn from the experience. Life is a series of hellos and goodbyes and you could use this experience to make sure that this kind of thing doesn't happen again in the future.
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