How not to gossip

How not to gossip

 

References

In this article: Don't be tempted to gossip Don't gossip with others Related articles References

While gossip isn't always a bad thing, it can do a lot of harm  [1] . It's good to find ways to limit your own tendencies to gossip with others.

 

 

 

Part

1

Don't be tempted to gossip

1

Sort out the negative gossip from the others. Not all gossip is bad, so you don't need to completely eliminate it from your life. However, you should learn to differentiate between harmless gossip and gossip that can hurt  people .

People who spread gossip (we all do at one time or another) don't spend a lot of time gathering the facts. In reality, they have usually heard information that they peddle second or even third hand.

There is also a difference between letting go about a person or an incident with a trusted friend and spreading harmful misinformation among a group of people. You don't need to air your differences unless it's about someone dangerous, like a rapist, bully, or thief.

To say, for example, that your accounting colleague is cheating on his wife is malicious gossip, even if it's true, because you don't need to know that. If you are now the wife of this accountant and you find out that he cheated on you, you can tell others, especially family members if they ask you why you want a divorce or to clarify the situation if adulterous husband says he filed for divorce because you cheated on him.

 

 

2

Ask yourself if something is worth repeating. Human beings are sociable creatures and gossip is part of the structure of a society. It can help maintain norms and keep people's worst instincts in check, if you think people are still interested in what each other is doing. However, it can also serve to demolish a reputation and elevate the status of gossip peddlers to the detriment of other people  .

You may ask yourself the following questions: Can gossip hurt? Is it justified (can you support the gossip with proven facts and not hearsay)? Do you do it to feel better or increase your popularity? Is it second or third hand gossip?

You need to stop this, if you're gossiping to be the center of other people's attention or to inflate your ego. This is where the dangerous side of gossip comes in. Communicating information is one thing. Did you know, for example, that a wing was added to the library or do you know that So-and-so was hospitalized? You should go see him, but harmful gossip is another, like: I heard So-and-so slept with all the men in Human Resources. That's why she was increased and not us.

3

Find out the problem behind the gossip. Maybe you sometimes gossip about someone because you're angry at that person or something they've done. Ask yourself why what this person does matters to you so much. Sometimes it's because you feel guilty for doing the same thing.

If, for example, you constantly find yourself calling So-and-so a boy-turning-bitch, stop and ask yourself where the problem is here. Are you jealous of the attention given to this woman? Does this woman just want attention? And even if she sleeps with all kinds of boys, what do you care?

You really need to get to the bottom of the problem (especially if it's something that's recurring (if you keep gossiping about the same person or situation.

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4

Take care of this problem. Sometimes you should find the solution at the root of the problem, rather than telling everyone you meet. It might mean talking to the person you're bad-mouthing, but it can also create a healthier and more reliable network of relationships.

Sometimes you have to part with someone in your life. Instead of saying, for example, how rude and disrespectful your ex-girlfriend was (and still is), you should stop contacting her, stop seeing her on Facebook, and delete her phone number. By doing so, you move on to much more interesting things to say instead of wasting your energy talking about her.

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5

Give yourself a time limit to gossip. If you can't stop talking about a certain person for a while, set yourself a specific time limit for talking about them. Once that time is up, you're done and can focus your energy on something more positive.

Limit yourself to two to five minutes to talk about this (if possible) per day. Don't give this same amount of time to each person you criticize, it's an all-encompassing gossip time.

Part

2

Don't gossip with others

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1

Privately correct gossip spreaders. If you're trying to deal with constant gossip, take these people aside and individually and discuss the problem with each of them. You should be concerned about gossip, especially if you're in a position of  authority .

Manage gossip specialists. Know who they are and try to avoid them. If you can't avoid them, don't give them the chance to deliver information to you. Change the subject if they try to gossip, or stay away from them. Gossip specialists, unlike those who do it only occasionally, are difficult to deter with a simple discussion.

If, for example, your brother-in-law constantly criticizes your siblings and says that your sister is a harpy and your brother is a thief, take him aside and ask him what his problem is with your loved ones. Tell him that it's not right to spread information about them like this. If there really is a problem (for example, your brother really stole something from him), help the brother-in-law deal with it.

Remember that men are just as good at spreading gossip as women, even if it's not necessarily called gossip, but men can also spread false or harmful information  [5] .

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2

Find the appropriate reaction. When someone brings you a really juicy piece of gossip, find a way to deflect the situation or make that person realize the harmful nature of what they're saying  [6] .

Here are some ways to distract from the harmful nature of gossip: "Let's look at this from the perspective of X – X being the victim of the gossip." “Why constantly talk about X? or "We could find a way to fix this, right?" »

Try to find a way to get to the heart of the problem of the person who slanders another. If he's a gossip specialist, you may need to silence him a little more forcefully.

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3

Change the subject. Sometimes you just need to walk away from negative gossip and focus on something more positive. Do this without accusing the gossip spreader, as the gossip may turn their anger on you.

When you start gossiping, say something like, "We should decide what we're going to do after work."

You can also say something like, “This X talk has gotten awful. Let's talk about something more positive” (especially if the topic of the gossip is very negative).

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4

Disengage. In the end, if you can't change the topic of conversation, it's better to walk away or explain that this type of gossip doesn't interest you. You could irritate the person who just slandered someone and they could also take it out on you, which you can easily refute. But it would be even better not to be confronted with this type of situation.

For example, you might say something like, "I don't care about unsubstantiated rumors about Trick and Dice" or "I don't give a damn about X's sex life."

If you don't want to make a fuss about it, you might find an excuse to walk away and say that you still have a lot of work to do or that you want to go home.

Advice

If you really feel the need to talk about someone, imagine that the person is next to you so that you won't say anything bad about them behind their back.

People's loyalty is variable. If you're mixed up in gossip, you might be the subject of the latest gossip.

Be very clear that you're not interested in gossip and be careful about what private information you share with this type of person.

 

 

Warnings

If you are confronted with people who gossip, be prepared for people to say bad things about you as well. Ask yourself if it is worth confusing them. Otherwise, drop it.