How to Communicate Better in a Relationship

How to Communicate Better in a Relationship

 

In this article: Make your case  Listen to your partner  Build a solid foundation  Related articles References

Communicating can be hard work. This is why communication is the key to a lasting relationship. If you want better communication in your relationship, then you not only need to know how to convey your ideas, but also be able to “really” listen to your partner.

 

 

 

Part

1

Make your case

1

Learn to say what you think. We can often hear jokes about the real meaning of our lyrics, when she says "this" and actually means that or "what he's really trying to tell you is..." These jokes are pretty funny because they are generally true. Sometimes we expect our partner to understand our hidden message, but hoping or counting on that isn't really right or effective. Instead, state your thoughts directly  [1] .

When making your case, give concrete examples of what you mean to make your words come across. Don't just say, "I feel like you haven't done your share of the housework..." instead, say, "I've been doing the dishes every night for the past two weeks... . »

Speak slowly and clearly so your partner understands you. Don't let out all your anger or he or she won't be able to follow you.

Remember that your speaking time is not limited. Go over all the important points that matter to you, but don't overwhelm your partner by talking for hours.

Organizing your thoughts directly helps to avoid misunderstanding your true motivations. Rather than offering options when your boyfriend asks you to go to a party, tell him the truth: that you don't want to see all these people after a hard week at work, followed by an "I'm sorry to have to say that, but I'm not in the mood to party tonight. »

 

 

2

Use "I" or "me". Don't start a speech by accusing your partner of making a mistake. If you say, "You always do..." or "You never do...," your partner will be defensive and unlikely to want to listen to you. Instead, say something like, "I noticed that..." or "Recently, I felt like..." Focus the discussion on your feelings and instead of feeling blamed, your partner will feel like they are part of a productive discussion.

Even saying something like, "Recently, I've been feeling a little abandoned" will sound better than, "You abandoned me. »

Although you're basically saying the same thing with "I," your partner will be less defensive with this turn of phrase and more likely to communicate openly.

3

Stay as calm as possible. During a heated discussion with your partner it will be difficult to keep a level head, but the calmer you are, the better you will be able to express your feelings. So if the mustard goes to your nose in the middle of the conversation or if you're furious before you even raise the issue, take a deep breath until you feel calm enough to start a productive discussion.

Speak in a steady, slow tone to express your ideas clearly.

Don't try to speak louder than your partner. It will only irritate you even more.

Take long breaths. Don't become hysterical in the middle of an argument.

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4

Maintain positive body language. Having positive body language helps set a positive tone for the discussion. Look your partner in the eye and turn towards him/her. You can gesticulate your arms, but don't move them so violently that you lose control. Don't cross your arms over your chest or your partner will think you've already closed up before they've said anything.

Don't fiddle with things around you unless it helps you manage your nervousness.

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5

Present your ideas with confidence. This doesn't mean you have to enter the discussion like it's an office meeting. Don't walk into the room shaking hands with your partner and immediately moving on to your argument. Instead, have confidence in yourself and act in the most relaxed way possible. Smile once in a while, watch the words you use, and above all don't hesitate, don't ask a ton of questions or seem unsure of what you want to say. If your partner questions your words, they won't take you seriously enough.

The more self-confidence you have, the less scared or exhausted you will be. Being confident will help you organize your thoughts

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6

Prepare a strategy before you start. This is an extremely important point. Don't rush into a speech with your eyes closed without preparing arguments and telling him or her the fifteen things he or she did wrong. Even if you are upset or hurt for various reasons, it is important that you focus on the main points you want to address and think about the end result you want from this discussion. If blaming your partner is your only motivation, then you should think twice before going for it.

Part of the plan is knowing “when” to have this discussion. Starting a debate at an inopportune time, such as during a family picnic or in the middle of a major sporting event on TV, can frustrate your strategy and make your argument meaningless.

Choose specific examples that you will use to make your point. For example, you want your partner to be a little more attentive. Can you think of two or three times when he or she didn't listen to you and therefore really hurt you? Don't overwhelm her with negative reviews, but use concrete evidence to get her full attention.

Remember your goal. Show your partner why you were hurt, raise an important dispute and find a compromise that will satisfy both of you, or discuss how to manage stress in a relationship. Keep your goal in mind so you don't get lost.

Part

2

Listen to your partner

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1

Put yourself in your partner's shoes. Use your imagination to come closer to your partner's point of view in a particular situation. Be aware that some factors you don't know can come into play. Putting yourself in their shoes when they talk to you can help you understand why your behavior or the current situation may be frustrating for them. When you're angry or upset, it's hard to take the other person's arguments into account, but this technique can actually help you find solutions much faster  [2] .

Empathy will always help you solve a problem in your relationships. Emphasize that you're trying to be understanding by saying, "I know you must be upset, because..." or "I know you've had a hard week at work..." Your partner will then have the feel like you're really listening to it.

Putting yourself in your partner's shoes can help you acknowledge their feelings and show them that you understand their problems.

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2

Allow him the freedom to analyze the conflict. While it's great to be able to talk about all your frustrations, sometimes your partner is still working through their thoughts and feelings and needs some time to themselves. Giving him space and time to think can prevent him from immediately starting an argument and saying things he might regret later. There's a difference between encouraging a discussion and pushing your partner to talk before they're ready.

Simply saying "I'll be here when you need to talk" shows your partner that you care about them without overwhelming them.

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3

Give it your full attention. Learn to recognize the signal when your partner really wants to talk to you. When he or she wants to talk, you need to turn off the TV, put your work away, hide your phone, and do whatever it takes to give your companion your full attention. If you're multi-tasking or distracted, he (or she) will be that much more frustrated. If you're really in the middle of something big, ask him for a few minutes to wrap things up so you're less distracted when the time comes.

Maintaining eye contact instead of looking around can help your partner feel like you're really listening.

Let her talk, but nod occasionally or say "I understand how you feel..." to stay involved.

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4

Let him finish. Even though he said something outrageous or something you need to correct, don't interrupt him in the middle of the discussion. Keep in the back of your head the points you want to come back to later and let your companion say everything he has to say. Once finished, it's your turn to answer and at that point you can answer him point by point.

It seems nearly impossible to hold back when all you want to do is interrupt to argue, but your partner will feel much better once he's gotten his heart out.

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5

Pay attention. When you listen to your companion, know that you don't have to accept or understand everything he tells you. No matter how in tune you are, how similar and like-minded you are and no matter how difficult it is for both of you to express your feelings, there are times when you don't share not the same point of view, and that's okay, just be aware that you understood things one way and he another and you will be more receptive to what he has to say to you.

Being aware of this disagreement will help ease your frustration when you don't understand each other.

Part

3

Build a solid foundation

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1

Maintain some privacy. This doesn't mean you have to dive into bed with your partner to make up after every argument. But rather that you should keep some intimacy between yourselves whenever you can, whether that's through hugs, tender gestures, giggles or just hanging out on the couch holding each other's hands. hand in front of your favorite TV series. Take time each week for your couple, whether you are busy or not, it will work in your favor when it comes to discussing sensitive topics.

Being intimate is not just being close on a physical level. It is especially necessary to see through the other and try to create space in your heart for their words, body language or actions.

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2

Learn to see when your companion is upset. Obviously, it would be best if your mate let you know whenever something has upset him. However, this is rarely the case. If you want to build a solid foundation for communication, then you need to learn to recognize the signs that show your partner is angry. Recognize these signs and don't be afraid to say, “Hey, you look upset. Is something bothering you? He (she) will not necessarily always want to talk about it, but making him understand that you are aware of his annoyance can reassure him  [3] .

Each person expresses their annoyance differently. For example: staying silent, denying anger, making nasty comments or complaining about something insignificant when you are annoyed by something that has nothing to do with it.

However, that doesn't mean you have to ask every time when your mate isn't in top form, "Hey, what's wrong?" maybe he's just tired from his long day at work. Recognizing the signs and knowing when your partner is actually okay is different than asking them every five seconds if they are okay. This could quickly become tedious.

Sometimes body language says more than just words. If you are faced with a misunderstanding, it is important to show your willingness to communicate.

“I try to understand, but I can't. Did I do or say something that upset you? " " No. "Did someone else upset you?" " " No. "Are you just mad?" " " Yes. " " After me ? " " Not really. This way you get closer to the answer. It may take some effort, but in the end it will be worth it.

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3

Be preventive. It is useless to start an argument over trivial matters, however, you must be able to bring up painful issues when necessary. Don't be aggressive and don't let your anger get out of hand, or you'll find yourself in the middle of a fight, at an inopportune time and unexpectedly. Learn to talk about important issues so that you feel comforted when you find a compromise, rather than boiling inside.

In a relationship, both members must come up with solutions to find the one that will best suit both of them. A real compromise is when the thoughts and feelings of both parties are taken into account while adhering to real constraints: feasibility, time, cost, etc.

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4

Relax. Take time to have fun. If you spend all your time working and then arguing, you won't enjoy your relationship. If you put the little worries aside and share positive feelings and memories with your partner, you'll be less likely to explode in the middle of an argument. Building a solid foundation of love and happiness will help you overcome bad times more easily.

Laugh together. Whether it's cracking corny jokes, watching a comedy, or just bursting out laughing for no reason, laughing will really help you enjoy your relationship and prepare for the tough times.

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5

Try to notice when a conversation is no longer productive. If you're both yelling, hurting each other without looking for a solution, then yes, the conversation is no longer productive. There's no point in continuing your argument if it's going to make things worse. Take a deep breath, tell your partner you both need to calm down, and postpone the conversation if you were discussing something really important. It's a mature reaction to push your conversation away instead of losing control.

Just say, "I think this topic is as important to you as it is to me, but it's best if we discuss it again when we're calmer." »

Do not leave by slamming doors or throwing objects that could cause injury. Stay on a positive note, even if you're still angry.

Sometimes all it takes is an innocent debate to get off the hook. If so, point it out. Tell him, “What is the reason for our argument? This can help both of you take a step back and assess the situation.

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6

Learn to compromise. In any good relationship, being happy should always be more important than being right. Don't spend your time trying to prove your significant other right or arguing just to get what you want, or your romance will quickly fizzle out. Instead, try to find productive solutions that can make both of you happy. It will be much better for your relationship in the long run and it will help you convey your real needs  [4] .

Sometimes there may be situations where you cannot find a compromise, for example in choosing a new accommodation. So make sure you get there next time or be satisfied with the solution found.

Take your turn. The last word should not always go to the same person.

Listing the pros and cons can also help to find a solution in a more reasoned and sometimes hassle-free way.

Sometimes in an argument, it's important to consider which of you two places more importance on the topic being discussed. This can help you assess the situation. If something is "very" important to you, but much less important to your partner, then let him know.

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7

Remember to appreciate each other. If you want to keep communication flowing and healthy, then you both need to take the time to give each other compliments, leave cute little notes, tell the other what you like about him/her, and take the time to just do things you love. A romantic evening, just like your nightly dinners if you live together, can really help you enjoy each other's company and enjoy talking. This will make things easier when you need to have a serious discussion.

In any healthy relationship, you need to make more positive than negative remarks to your partner. And if you feel like he's perfect, let him know.